It's free, but it's priceless
You can't own it, but you can use it
You can't keep it, but you can spend it
Once you've lost it, you can never get it back.
-Harvey Mackay
What is it?
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To help me feel better?
My mouth gapes open and I stare at the woman, more girl in front of me.
Is she naive? Is she dumb? She doesn't understand.
How can anything make me feel better at this moment? I don't want to feel better. I'm not done yet. I have a long way to go and then, finally, I can end this.
I can escape this cruel mind of mine and then death will be so welcoming to me.
But not yet. Right now, I'd do anything to suffer a little bit more, a little bit harder. I want to feel the pain, doesn't she get it?
Feeling better is none of my priorities.
My face scrunches up as I stare down at her. Her lips forming into a reassuring smile and her eyes looking determined. Her orange hair around her shoulders. Why orange?
Orange has nothing to do here. This place is grey, white and black and brown. But orange?
It reminds me of something... what is it? Why orange? She is so off about everything. She doesn't fit here. Soon enough she'll realize, but till then she should leave me alone. That's all I need.
As I put the coldest glare on my face that I could muster up, I see her smile slowly vanishing and a new expression seats itself on her pretty face.
Fear. I almost laugh. Right.
I am insane, so they say. That's all they ever say.
She stands up, the quick glimpse of fear in her eyes gone. "I will try my best to help you."
I clench my eyes and jaw muscles. I'm furious.
"You will?", I mutter out, bitterly. My voice hoarse and almost fading. I don't talk that much.
There is no point anymore. There is no one anymore.
She looks almost happy, as I say that. Her eyes start to glow again and that smile is again on her lips.
Stop smiling.
"Yes, Taehyung. I will."
My fingers bore themselves into my clothing. Brown and brown. Almost like something someone in a hospital would wear. I can feel my nails in my skin.
"Yes, I will, Taehyung and I-"
"Then help me kill myself."
When the time is right, I add in my mind. But I want to see her reaction.
Her mouth shoots open and her hands form a fist. I thought so.
It is silent for a few seconds. Disappointed, I lay my head onto the wall again.
"Okay", my eyes almost widen in surprise and I meet her gaze. Soft eyes look down to me, as she looks completely calm.
Calm. It reminds me of something again.
I stop my breathing as I stare at her. Her mouth opens again.
"But before that", she smiles unwillingly, "You have to tell me everything."
And with that, my heart sinks.
Talking? Telling you? Why should I do that?
Is there a point, I don't know of?
She looks determined again. She doesn't smile anymore. That fits better. She almost looks as furious as I'm feeling. What is this?
My heart beats louder, as I stare up to her calm form, before clenching my eyes shut, trying to stop my mind from functioning, as the memories start streaming in again.
All I want, all I've ever wanted, is to forget.
Right, make me feel more pain. Hurt me more. Let me think of it all over again, I deserve being hurt. As if I wouldn't think of it every single second of my life.
As if the point of sleeping, lying, closing my eyes wasn't to be revisited by every single detail of the happenings three years ago, the happenings of my life till it stopped with everything else around me those three years ago.
Take me the last thing away, that I own.
The last thing, no one else knows. My secret. My mystery.
Shall I really tell you the truth?
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YOU ARE READING
Tomorrow, still Today| (Kim Taehyung)
Fanfiction- Give him a mask and he will tell you the truth. - Insane, that's what they say. One single word to describe everything that happened, and why it had to happen sooner or later- Insanity. note: everything about the mental illnesses and treatme...
