Tomorrow, still Today| (Kim Taehyung)

Seconds could be Infinite

-"... I found love where it wasn't supposed to be. Right in front of me... talk some sense to me..."-

Amber Run, I Found

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There's something in time that always makes me wonder.

It's the same every day and always will be. Days will be days, hours will be hours, seconds will be seconds.

Then why does it feel like time is stopping? Needing forever to run by?

To me it feels like seconds become hours. Hours are years. And one month feels like an eternity.

An eternity spent in silence, spent in a non-existent world, spent in the past. I wonder, if I'm stuck, if the time is ticking by as fast as ever and only I am frozen in my tracks.

I wonder, when I will finally stop waiting, when I can see the sun again. I wonder, why I can't even label it as depression these days.

Why everything feels like nothing.

And that nothing means everything to me.

Because Jungkook is dead, my family left me. Eventually Sana left me too.

I'm stuck here in nothing, living in the past. My past.

The constant circling of my mind is making me insane. Memories being replayed every second, making them last so long. Words said in utter silence, not escaping my dry mouth. Noone is here to hear them anymore.

These are my every seconds, spent in memories. My only thoughts in my head, interrupted by only one thing.

I tend to wonder a lot, what's the point of living anymore.

It seems so pointless and exaggerated thinking of spending more time in myself, as there's noone here anymore.

There's pain. And then more pain.

The therapies have started again. Even more pain.

It's been one month since Sana left.

One month, one forever in silence.

I want to cry but I don't. I promised someone a long time ago. I hold back my tears and wonder if that's the reason, I don't eat anymore, I'm not hungry. I'm filled up by my own tears, begging to find release.

But I won't give it to them.

I am worried, I am sad. I am exhausted, I am calm. I am in pain, I deserve it. I want to cry, I don't. I won't.

I want to go to sleep.

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The nurse's hand lies firm on my upper arm and the touch is unwelcomed by me. But I don't say anything.

I listen to the sound of the knock on the wooden door and the voice that says a "come in." right behind it.

The nurse pushed the door open and lets me walk in. I do so and look at Dr. Im, who's sitting behind his desk, thick glasses on the brick of his nose.

He doesn't smile at me as he gestures me to sit down.

The chair feels soft but I squirm. I don't want soft.

"Good morning, Kim Taehyung", Dr. Im finally says and smiles slightly as he looks up from his papers.

I bow in respect in front of him.