Tomorrow, still Today| (Kim Taehyung)

Sucker for Pain

- "There are no beautiful surfaces without a terrible depth."-

I breathe in deeply and close my eyes for a second.

The window in the hallway is slightly open so I can feel the breeze from outside running through my orange dyed hair.

My heart beats a little faster and I tell myself to calm down.

Then, before I can think of it again, I open the door.

I can see him immediately. He sits on the edge of his bed, elbows on his knees and head buried in his hands. He doesn't move at all and I step closer. I know, he has heard me.

As he's still not looking up, I take a chair and drag it over the stone floor. I watch every of his movements. He flinches a little and shakes his head curtly.

I stop and sit down.

My eyes roam all over his body and I can see the goosebumps on his exposed arms. He has no covers or anything but I already know, that his shivers don't come from the cold in the room, but the pills, they give to him.

I slightly lean back and watch him as he slowly looks up, meeting my eyes.

The pain stains his face, I can see it, although there's his usual frown on his features. He's beautiful. On the outside. On the inside, I'm not sure about that but the Insanity, that was described towards him, I don't know why, but my mind strictly resists to the thought of him being a lunatic.

He murdered his brother. I don't know, why I just see a broken boy in front of me.

His dark eyes bore into mine as I stare back. I notice his eyebrows furrowing, when a slow smile appears on my lips.

Silence.

"Let's go."

With that, I stand up and extend a hand towards him. Taehyung just looks at me, clearly confused and I snicker lightly.

"Come on."

With that, I turn back and step out the door, leaving it wide open. I wait for five minutes or so, before he hesitantly steps out.

His eyes widen, when I pull him forward slightly, so that he is walking next to me, but he doesn't utter a word.

I see him stiffening more and more, as we come closer to the door. I stop in front of it, to turn towards him.

He looks a bit scared and returns my gaze surprised.

"It's okay."

His chapped lips part slightly.

"Have you never... been out in your time here?"

His eyes still scream defense and I call into my mind, that he doesn't talk. That he is unpredictable. I don't know yet, what he did.

He slowly shakes his head and my gaze softens immediately.

"Let's go then."

I push the door open.

--------------------------------

I gasp, when the breeze hits my face. My mouth open, I suck the wind in and close my eyes at the sunlight hitting my skin.

My body shivers slightly at the cold air, it's april, but I don't even bother to keep myself warm.

I didn't know how much I missed this.

I slowly open my eyes, as I remember the girl standing next to me. She too, stares towards the trees and my eyes glisten over them.

I didn't know how much I missed the air.

I didn't know how much I missed the colors.

As my eyes slowly, carefully and hesitantly wander over the green grass and wood around us and the cars parked in front of the hospital, my eyes travel to the girl next to me.

What was her name again?

My eyebrows furrow slightly over the fact, that she still does not fit here.

The hospital is only the beginning of my confusion. She seems too colorful, not only in her appearance. Too naive, as I would say. And too lively to work in such a dark place, that is only surrounded by dullness and memories.

But now I notice, that even under all the other colors, she doesn't fit.

I hesitantly lay my arms on the railing, as she glances over to me. I quickly advert my gaze and look to my shoes.

I don't know what I should think of the girl's smile.

She told me, she would help me with my ending, but then again I'd have to tell her the truth.

The truth.

My mind revisits me again, as I think of the words, Jungkook muttered in my dream.

The truth, it's in me. I just need to... forgive myself.

... How.

"You know what, Taehyung", my thoughts are cut off and I lift my gaze to watch the trees in front of me.

"I am actually quite scared."

My eyes close, as I smile bitterly. Yes, I knew it. I am insane.

"Afraid of me?", I whisper, my voice hoarse, as it's only used for screaming and crying.

She thinks for a second.

"Yes, I am."

This time, I huff out a breath and nod slowly, biting on my lower lip.

The girls sees it and turns into my direction, scooting a little closer and laying her arms on the railing next to me. I freeze.

"You're my first patient here."

She giggles.

What?

"... and I don't have a clue, what to do. I thought, this would be a lot easier", she gives away and my eyes widen in surprise over her saying that.

"I want to make things right. I have no clue about the therapies, the pills. Heck, I don't even have a clue, how to talk to you." She sighs in deeply.

"I learned a lot of things, when I studied with my teacher. Turns out, that a person's mind can't be summed up into one book. There are stories, memories, persons, triggers... dreams... secrets."

I gulp at that, listening intently. I don't know why.

"There is pain and more pain, mental and physical. Pain you do to yourself. I want to take this pain away."

Don't you dare take it away.

I freeze.

She turns towards me and brushes her hair lightly out of her face. I keep my head low, but can see her smiling in the corner of my eye.

"Taehyung, I am here to help you. I don't know anything about you yet, I don't know who you are. But there's one thing, I have learned, that is important to me. It's trust and honesty."

My eyes meet her glowing ones. There's another expression in them. Is it determination again?

"Taehyung, I want to be completely honest with you. That's why I told you all of this. And before anything, before you can even start thinking about trusting me", Her eyes soften, when looking at me, making mine almost soften too. Almost.

"I need to tell you, Taehyung, I trust you."

I swallow at that. Why? Is she crazy?

I don't even trust myself.

She shouldn't trust me.

She smiles another faint smile before turning forwards again.

"I'm looking forward to hearing your story, Kim Taehyung."