Tomorrow, still Today| (Kim Taehyung)

A new Beginning- Sunset

-"Who I am, who I'm not and who I wanna be."-

There's silence around us, as we sit on the hill. Only the noise of the trees swaying behind us in the wind. It's warm but it's not hot. It's windy but not too much. It's perfect. Every second with her is perfect.

I find myself not focusing on the setting sun in front of me, but the girl next to me. Sana's eyes are closed and I find myself admiring the way the rays hit her pale skin, almost making her glow with the sun, her orange hair as always on fire. Her lips look soft and pink and I would do everything to just lean over to her and kiss them. Everything about her is perfect.

And everything she did, I can't believe she did it.

She saved me and she doesn't even realize. I have thanked her so much over that past month, tried to show her how much she means to me. But I'm bad at it. Bad at expressing my feelings.

She saved me, from the hospital, from myself. She gave me a place to live, lets me live with her, what, thinking about it again, leaves me in a blushing mess and smiling to myself at the way she looks at me every morning I stand up and she hands me a cup of coffee.

She made me realize, she helped me see.

Even after knowing, that my hands didn't kill Jungkook, I thought, maybe something else did. Maybe my words, my heart.

But Jungkook doesn't visit me in my dreams anymore and that makes me sad and happy at the same time. Happy, because I don't have to wake up screaming every night like in the first week I left the hospital.

Sana heard me screaming every night, immediately rushing over and laying down beside me, trying to calm me, even singing me to sleep.

The nightmares stopped and like I said, I was glad they stopped, oh god I was so glad. But, I realized that it makes me sad. Not seeing Jungkook anymore.

He asked me to forgive him.

Of course I did that. But I think, there is more behind his words. I think, that the words are meant for me. That it's really not my fault.

And it's a weird thought in my head, feels rather unfamiliar, the thought of me not being the fault of Jungkook's death.

I realize that Jungkook's only dream ever was, was to become one with the darkness. And he did that. He became a mystery.

"Who do you want to be, Tae?", Sana suddenly asks and it's as if she's noticed my gaze because she smiles slightly and I blush, looking away. I can almost hear her giggle.

My hands clasp closer around the cup of coffee in my hands.

"Huh?", I ask and she grins at me for a while before turning around.

"There's always the three you's. There's the one who you are not, who you will never be, then there's the one, who you are. And the man, you want to be", she says and I look at the side of her face as she smiles.

"Who are you, Tae?", she asks and I purse my lips before thinking for a second.

"Hm... maybe... a...", I think for a second, not knowing what to say. "... a broken man?", I finally whisper out and she's silent for a second.

I watch her carefully as she bites on her lower lip.

"I always thought of you as a lost boy", she admits and smiles to herself and I raise my eyebrows slightly at that.

"I mean... I knew from the beginning that it's not like... you said. I always thought, you were lost in your memories, not really knowing what you're looking for."

I blink as she glances over me, a hint of blush covering her cheeks. I look back and after a while I nod silently.

"But what you are, doesn't matter right now", she quickly adds. "It's more important who you want to be. You can choose whatever you want. It's open to you", she whispers, almost inaudible over the wind but I catch every word. "It's a new beginning."

I bite on my lower lip as I look over to her, almost shyly.

"Who do you want to be, Tae?", she whispers again and her eyes catch the sunlight as she looks back into my eyes.

And it's an overwhelming and weird feeling in my stomach as I inch a little closer. She notices but she doesn't say a word, simply looking into my eyes, blushing slightly as I put the cup in my hands down.

I know already what I want to say.

"I want to be normal."

And behind all that sunlight in her eyes I can see the pain, the mourn. Because her dad comitted suicide past month, so she admitted to me one rainy night as she couldn't hold her tears back anymore. Because of her mother, who died when she was 14 and a half years old. I can hear the pain in her voice, deeply hidden behind her feelings as she sings me to sleep with her favorite lullaby, that's mine now too.

I can hear the pain behind her laugh some days, when she is a little more quiet than normal.

And she is in pain, I know that. And one day I found myself so desperately wanting to take that pain away from her, knowing that deep down it's impossible.

And the feeling, that I was feeling was not longer only gratitude but it turned into love longer ago than I thought.

And god, I fell so deeply for her.

"And what would that be, Tae?", she asks silently and it's only for me to hear.

And god, I don't know why, but she loves me back.

"I want to do... things I want to-...", I trail off, too concentrated on her sweet lips, that I wanted to taste ever since that night a month ago.

But I was just so unsure.

"Like what?"

Her mouth parts and I slowly lean closer till our foreheads touch. It's an overwhelming feeling and there are butterflies in my stomach next to the tightening of my heart and I feel like crying for a second because I'm actually able to do this.

There's no dead body on my mind, no green water, no blood, no knife, no darkness, not even clouds....

Because the clouds are above me and they are real.

"Like... kissing you...", my lips ghost over her upper lips as I say that and when her hands find mine and she intertwines her warm fingers with mine, I don't want to wait anymore.

"Then do it", she finally whispers and her breath is fanning my lips so perfectly.

And without hesitation, I finally lean forward and close the gap between us. My lips meet her soft ones and I hear her sigh as I let go of her hands to push her over to me by her waist. Her hands find their way to my neck and my breath hitches when her lips mould so perfectly into mine.

And I don't care that it's not even sunrise. To be honest, I think this is better.

It's okay that it's not sunrise because that would mean, I would be dreaming, it wouldn't be completely real, honest.

But this is honest. And I lay my heart on her lips in need of her to understand.

And by the way, her hands pull me closer to her and her tear, that I can feel rolling down her cheek, I know that she does.

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-THE END-