Dear Diary,
I'm back, I came to the realization, after a bit of self refection, that I am a considerably large amount more scared to spiders than I am of death. Death is more of a peaceful thought then spiders are. This sounds stupid and unhuman to anyone who isn't suffering from depression, but it's true.
After seeing a spider I would be scared and I would much rather die than have to see a spider, but that's not much coming from someone who welcomes death with open arms. Death seems peaceful for me. If I weren't hoping to go to college and skip high school, I don't think I would have anything to look forward to, and I wouldn't be typing this, I would be dead. That sounds so...morbid, but it's true.
Another thing I came to realize was I'm scared of heights. There are those people who say, ''You're not scared of heights, you're scared of falling.'' Well no, no I'm not scared of falling, I'm scared of heights. The fear of falling means you'd be scared of falling and dying, but as I've said before I welcome death with open arms, I have a fear of heights, I don't like places high enough for me to have the urge to jump. Yes the way I would suicide is to jump. Now I fear heights because if I'm at the edge I'd be so close, too close, close enough for the urge to jump to overcome my senses, and maybe I'd jump. Maybe one day when my friends think that it'd be fun to drag me to the edge that depression would overcome me, and maybe I'd finally get it over with.
The last thing I need to write about was something that happened yesterday. I went trick-or-treating with some of my friends, and I had to walk home at around 9, I was scared for my life. I was running, I was nervous, then I remembered, I wasn't scared, I wasn't nervous, and I still had time to walk. My dad hadn't given me a curfew, and I was a couple blacks away from home, so I could walk, but I wasn't nervous or scared. I would only be scared if I were afraid of dying, but I wasn't. I saw a car drive by and thought, what if tonight was the night I died, what if I ran in front f a car instead of jumping like I planned. How cliche of me to kill myself on Halloween night, but wouldn't that be a great story.
Morbid subjects, I know, but I had to get this off my chest before I have a nervous breakdown, again.
-J
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Dear Diary
Teen FictionDiary from a girl with more problems then she lets the world see. She may be popular, but it's not like it matters when her world feels like it's about to come crashing down. She may not believe in love, but it's not like that'll stop her from feeli...
