Dear Diary

10/04/13

Dear Diary,

Sorry for not writing in you for over a week. Life has been a bit hectic lately. I had planned to write, but every time I was about to, either something comes up and it takes up all my time, or he starts messaging to me.

Anyways, I have another rant today. It's about my tattoo choices. I want 5 of them and I put thought into each of them. The reason I'm ranting about them is because I was on Facebook, and one of my friends had made a post about tattoos, asking if anyone wanted one, other them himself, because he felt as if he was alone on his decision. Of course there were others saying that we're too young to be thinking about something so permanent. IT IS OUR CHOICE. That is my only thought. Maybe someone has a good reason for their decision, or at least they think it is, it's their life. It's like following your dreams, and having your parents say that isn't a good choice. If they want a certain tattoo, it's their choice, those people saying not to, are like those people crushing your dreams. I'm exaggerating, but that's my perspective on this. Maybe this is biased since I want a tattoo, but that's my opinion.

So on that Facebook post, I commented I want a tattoo too. I said I wanted a music note. Others said they wanted a rose, or something else. Some nosy people asked us why we even wanted one and of course I didn't say my reason seeing as my reasons aren't needed to share with the whole world, but I feel the need to write them in here, maybe because I'm scared I'll forget, or maybe it's because I feel like I need to tell someone/something my reason to justify myself.

The tattoo I want the most is the music note. I don't need fancy colors or design, I just want it to represent how important it is to me, and how it saved me. I like to think that nobody likes loves music as much as I do. Maybe equal to me, but not more, not if it disappeared, I would be dead, I would be a corpse with a hole in the middle of my abdomen, or lying at the bottom of the ocean. I also want the music note to remind me of how far I've come if I ever feel as if I shouldn't be alive. I want 4 other tattoos, but they have literal meanings. They're quotes that inspire me to do things with my life and not waste it by hurting myself.

I wish I could comment why I want a tattoo and be truthful about it, but who would believe it, plus even if they did, it's not like they'd understand. I would only get sent to someplace that's filled with people who've never experienced it and still have the nerve to think they can help me.

Now to fill you in on my life since the last time I wrote, on 9/25/13, Wednesday, I pretty much collapsed as soon as I got home. I had mentioned that I was going to be picture day runner the last time I wrote in you, but at the time, I hadn't realized how tiring that would've been.

Then on 9/26/13, it was my dad's birthday, the day was spent painting on a fake smile, which tired me out more than being runner since it drained me emotionally  rather than physically.

On Friday, I was on an emotional roller coaster, I was happy one moment, stressed the next, and about to cry at one point. I only calmed down when he started talking to me.

As for the weekend, it was spent reading. I finally finished The Divinci Code that Sunday. Of course skyping him made me lost my concentration most of the time.

On Monday, the 30th, it should've been a regular choir day, but Sarah was going to the football game so I went with her. All the popular kids came too. Of course he didn't. I invited him, but he went to choir instead. That might have been a good thing since I got to tell Angela about liking him, which I couldn't have done with him being there.

On 10/01/13, it was a Tuesday, so I went to guitar, but I left early with tears running down my face. I was probably overreacting, but nobody like having their parents forget them, so I had to go to my grandpa's house, since my parents were already out of town by the time they remembered about me.