Dear Diary

9/24/13

Dear Diary,

I feel the crash coming on, but I think it may be put on hold. I have very conflicting feelings on my life right now. My bright bubbly side doesn't seem to have been affected by my dark side recently, and I'm afraid I'll become two different people entirely, like around certain people I'll be nice, and around others I'll be a complete bitch.

My happy side is getting more confident, even though my dark side is showing all my insecurities. The reason why I feel like I'm fighting with myself and only I'm losing? Tina. I'm friends with her again. I think it's a good thing, but so many people are against her that it might hurt MY reputation, though I don't think that's such a bad thing, if people found out I liked him, it would be way worse than being friends with Tina. Anyway back to confidence, tomorrow is picture day and I'll be wearing a tank-top which I haven't done as long as I remember. I was pretty chubby before so I never had enough self-esteem to wear anything like that. Now as for the insecurities, I have a t-shirt tan from never wearing tanks to school. That kinda makes me want to not wear my tank. 

Now back to Tina, I think it helps that she's my friend again because I get to see from her perspective. Everyone else is blinded by popularity and she's already been burned by it that she sees things and people differently. I'm also glad because now I get to become a runner, I don't have class all day except for 1st period, which is Geometry, and I just bring classes to get their pictures taken. It was also her birthday today, we went around giving cupcakes during lunch.

We also didn't have P.E. today. I felt lucky since it would've been my first day back to P.E. after the whole football accident.

Anyways, guitar wasn't that bad. I used the amp again, and he talked to me a bit. Oh and I forgot to mention earlier, I told Tina about liking him, she was surprised of course. So back to guitar, he asked to try the bass, which is totally different from the acoustic. I didn't really talk to him afterwards since I was having a bit of trouble learning the bass since I was used to the acoustic. 

So after school I went home and did homework which wasn't much. I'm actually really excited for tomorrow. I'm actually going to wear something different, I'm actually friends with Tina again, and I'm actually enjoying my life right now. The Voice started a while ago and I can't focus while writing this, so I'll just stop here.

~J