I don't wear bikinis not because I was lacking self esteem. I was actually proud of my body size.
Especially now that I gained weight, I noticed my body curves were now more toned. But growing up in a conservative family just gives you a feeling of uncertainty in everything you do. Dahil pinagbabawalan nila ako, akala ko mali na. Watching liberated girls flaunt their skin makes me sick before.
I'm thankful for my girls, because they made me realize that clothes do not define a person's beliefs, personality and culture. I promised myself I'll wear a bikini when I feel like wearing it. Everytime we hangout in beaches, I don't feel like exposing myself. But today just felt right to wear one.
Tinignan ko ang sarili sa salamin. This is France's most revealing bikini. It's a strapless bra top and a thin lace underwear. The color is tan, almost the same color of my skin.
I can't call myself skinny or fat, because those words do not exist for me. I don't see other people's body in labels. I don't see my body as an object too, to be described, classified and judged. After all, this body is home. This is where I live and hang my hat. This is where I settle into my hips and sit easy in myself, slung together with strong muscles and bones, made gentle and forging with flesh.
I traced my imperfections down the waist flaunting my favorite part. Because this body is durable, it has lasted for years, hunkered down through fierce storms and allows for the peaceful erosions of age. It is like a cottage on the shore, weathered and well made, a place where a person could comfortable live. I like it here. It is my own.
I fixed my hair in the room and saw my face in the mirror. I always try to let go of the storyline that says my eyes are too big or my lips is too small. I started to just look into the mirror and see my face. Because when the criticism drops away, what you will see then is just you, without judgment, and that is the first step towards transforming your experience of the world. I smiled before leaving the room.
I can feel the sea breeze on my skin when I went out of our transient home. Hinanap ko sila sa dalampasigan and saw them in the corner while they're about to ride a boat. Liv was on her phone calling me, dahil nagriring ang phone kong hawak.
"Hoy, wait lang!" I shouted and everyone gasped as they looked at my exposed body. The boys were astounded as I walked closer to them smiling
Now I understand why the girls love wearing bikinis. I've never been so happy in wearing revealing clothes, but this time, I felt so empowered. I feel like a grown woman.
"Wow, this is the Georgina I've been waiting for." Liv said while exaggeratingly eyeing me from head to foot.
"She's wearing her crown right now!" Rhett shouted nang makasakay ako sa bangka. Hindi automated boats ang kinuha nila dahil gusto nila maranasan magsagwan.
"Rolene aalisin ko na make-up ko. Para san pa ito kung nagpasabog ka ng ganyan!" sabi naman ni Jun habang nakasimangot, but I knew he was smiling in the inside
"That swimsuit never looked so elegant in me." France said. God knows how extra she was when wearing this last December.
Avery was taking pictures of me, I just smiled at the camera because Geriko's gawking at me.
"Welcome to Palawan where people bring out the best in them!" kuya Torrens laughed and we started sailing.
"Ganda naman ng tropa ko," sabi ni Travis habang nasa gitna kami ng tubig.
I noticed he wasn't jolly since kanina. That's so unlike Travis.
He smiled to me and gave me a look. Alam niya siguro ang rason kung bakit ako nagsuot ng ganito, he looks so proud. But I didn't wear this for Geriko, I did this for myself. He just pushed me to do this, so I'm thankful too.
