Manipulation

Ch 36 Message from the otherside

"It's going to be okay pup" Mr Connin says calmly, his voice soothing.

I looked at the bed, my eyes not seeing the covers. My chest felt heavie but empty, like the air in my lunges weighed 5 kilo's but nothing else was there. I was just empty, hollow. I may never change? I think if My Connin had kicked me in the face it would have hurt less. I wanted to change, i wanted to feel the earth under my paws, hear everything with my ears that i missed while human, wanted to run freely, the wind though my fur. But i couldn't. "Why?" I ask numbly. "Why can't i change"

Mr Connin took a long moment to awnser, thinking carfully over my question. It was one he wasn't use to, one that was never asked. "I don't know, Kat. I just know that if you try you will hurt yourself. I'm going to talk to Miss Fray about pulling you out of some of Wolf-studies, you will only be able to do the theory classes since you can't change"

Ow, no sugar coating it? "But, i can't just not change. That can't happen! I need to change! I'm a Werewolf!" I argue, starting to panic, my heart rate increasing and my breath becoming ragged. The heart rate monitater started to slightly beep faster and Mr Connin glanced at it.

"Kat, calm down. Theres nothing i can do about it. But you can't keep trying to change okay? You will only hurt yourself" Mr Connin stood up from the seat where he sat and smiled at me saddly. "Be a good girl" he says ruffling my hair before walking out of the room.

I closed my eyes, imagening my wolf. It's gold eyes periced me as it watched me, ears flicking every few seconds, listening to the sounds i couldn't hear. It stood perfectly still, it's ear facing me and one paw frozen in the air as it watched me. Then it blinked, the golden eyes dissapearing in a sea of darkness and when they opened i saw dark gray eyes, flecked with blue-gray dots that made the eyes look strangly like a flowers. Cold, evil flowers. The darkness started bleeding, colour fading into it, painting the world in a red tint.

My eyes snapped open and i looked around the room. It was empty.

My room was dark when i got into it, the sky turning sunrise blue, very few clouds blocking the sun. My bed seemed very attractive when i saw it, all the warm blankets laying on it in a heap, my soft pillow staring back at me. But first i needed a shower. Angel wasn't back yet so i locked the bathroom door and jumped into the shower.

Half way though washing myself somethnig caught my eyes, nail marks on my arms, chest and stomach, littering my body in tiny red lines. Then there was the scratches, not made by nails, but claws, jaggered strips that had torn at my skin, opening fleash. It was almost like i had been attacked by a throses cat with large claws, like a linx or a fox, not big enough to be a dog. But i knew what it was. It was me. I remeber little parts in the nurses room where there was a lot of pain and i could here shouting as i tried to break free from the teachers and nurses only to fail. Some how in that ordel, however, i had manged to do this to myself. Marks that weren't wolf but weren't human. Not Werewolf.

I looked under my nails and noticed, for the first time, skin under them alone with blood. I scrunched up my face, trying to get it out from under my nail. Suddenly i hear a door open and close and someone throw something on the floor. It sounds like Angel was back. I go back to trying to clean my nails, then put shampoo though my hair.

"Kat? you in there?" Angel shouts thoguh the door, concern lacing her voice.

Am i okay? No, i found out i'm a werewolf who can't change, who will never be able to be a wolf like a normal Werewolf can. "Yeah, i'm fine!" i shout over the water, my voice dropping at the end. Why me? What did i ever do to deserve this? I shook the thoughts away and finished up showering, then climbed out, wrapping a towle around myself and getting some clothes on.

I opened the door with one hand, trying to tie up my hair with the other. I collapses onto my bed when i was out, my wet hair tied into a sloppy bun.

"Whats this?" Angel asks sounding slightly shocked.

"Whats what?" I mumble face the wall, my eyes closed.

"This" Angel says shoving something into my face. I open my eyes to see a syrine, plastic cap over the needle.

"A syring. Dr Crurk gave it to me, if i ever start changing again i need to use it, so i don't change and hurt myself. It's full of some type of sadation stuff, not strong enough to knock me out though, just enough to...stop the change, at lest long enough for someone lse to sadate me properly if needed" I mumble around a yawn and curl up into a ball. Like a dog, sadating me like a dog. "Can i go to sleep now?"

"Yep" Angel says and pulls the syring from my face.

I closed my eyes again, letting darkness fill my vision and relaxed, hoping to fall asleep quickly. But i was welcomed with an eerie darkness which held watching eyes. Slowly something mitralized from the darkness, a large fussy shape. No, not fuzzy, furry. My wolf walked towards me slowly, ears pricked and listening. The gold eyes didn't leave me. Then the dark wolf stopped, ears twitching and muscels tensing and untensing as it watched me. It's eyes bore into me, trying to tell me something i couldn't understand.

Then, a voice fluttered though the darkness, a whispery, harsh but yet soothing voice that made me intraged by ever word it spoke, even though the sentance was cut up. 'Watch out, not freind hurting, not trust, she making change unable work, not trust me painful, carful' the voice was strangly fermilia and after a little bit of thinking i relized it was like my voice, only with the under tone of a harsh growl, clipped words that weren't ment to be said and a reythem of the words that i could not master, making ever word seem effet less and like they were ment to be said in that order. But they were all cut short like if if my wolf like someone was watching and she had to be carful not to be seen.

I shivered at the voice that was mine but not mine. The Wolf blinked, golden eyes disapearing for a second before opening again. She stood still, watching me, her eyes telling a story that had no words and spoke no emotions that i understood. But they were saying something. 'No, not the or she, nor it, me, i am me. i'm what i am you are what we are, you are me and i am you, we are each other, we are ourselves' the voice was musical, a sound i could never match. Before i could think about the words white smoke flooded from no where, brushing the Wolf's ankles then her knees and finally her shoulders and before long she was engolfed by the magical mist, a dark figure in the white world, golden eyes peircing the mist.

'Don't, go, stay, me' then the voice broke away and the figure in the white smoke mist faded into gray. The last thing i hear is a howl, a paniced howl that made my heart quiver in fear and suddenly it dropped off and i sat up in bed, body shaking and eyes wide. I looked around the room which was dull. Angel was in bed, her body burried in blankets. Between the curtains peeked an orange sky and the tips of green trees. The clock read just after 6:30pm. Maybe i did get to sleep.

But it seemed so real.

I jumped out of bed, quickly changing and pulled a jumper around myself as i left the dorm room, making my way to the front door. Maybe this wasn't a good idea but i didn't care. Not right now.