To the one who asked when I knew I was gay,
Well. I don't really know. It wasn't something where I woke up one morning and said I was gay. There wasn't a sudden realization, for me anyways.
When I was younger, somewhere around 9 or 10, my dad and I were watching The Fast and The Furious for the thousandth time. I love the series so much. But anyways, before the street race, one girl walks up to the starting line. She raises her arms and as she drops them, she turns around to watch the cars speed away. And I forgot that there was even a race to begin with. Her butt was like a gift sent by the racing gods.
Fast forward a year to a party I went to with my sister and her best friend. There was a girl there who I befriended rather quickly and we spent most of the night together, either holding hands or laying down on the hammock.
A couple years later when I was in middle school, I had a very close group of friends. They were always talking about the guys they liked or which celebrity looked better shirtless. So when they all had chosen a guy in the school that they liked, I felt like I had to choose one too. So I did eventually because I wanted to fit in but deep down I always liked his girlfriend.
Three years ago I left public school and began homeschooling. The friends I had in public school had began disappearing. I found myself drawn towards the internet and soon I met a girl. I found myself head over heels for her. I met her in person and fell in love even more. I didn't question it. It felt natural. I told my father and he never treated me any different.
Last summer I dated a guy. He lived 25 minutes away but we didn't see each other very often. I brought him to a family event and the entire time I felt extremely uncomfortable. I can't really find the words to explain it but deep within my gut, it didn't feel right. It felt forced and I was uncomfortable so after two months of being together, I sat down and talked with him and we went out separate ways.
People ask when I knew I was gay but it wasn't something that happened overnight. I didn't wake up one morning covered in rainbows. I think my sexuality was always there, I just didn't see it until I was ready to.
It didn't come suddenly, I wasn't surprised by it. I just put two and two together.
So to the one who asked when I knew I was gay... There isn't a date I can give you. I think a part of me always knew but I didn't address it until I felt comfortable to do so.
