Always

Chapter 36

"Nasa punto na ako kung saan hindi ko na alam ang panaginip at bangungot."

°°°

Alex (boy)

I woke up sweating from last night's nightmare. I just wish it was true, that last night was just a bad dream, but it's not.

I can feel jolts of pain shocking my body.

god damn it!

I just wish I never loved her. Everything would be easy for me.

I sat up in my bed forcing my body to move but it just won't. I don't feel like doing anything today.

I don't think I can do anything for a while.

Fuck!

I slumped back down in my bed covering my eyes with my arm. I know I have classes today but I don't think I can handle it when I see her there.

She just left a minute ago. I can feel my body turning numb.

Why does it have to be this way?

Why does it have to be me?

Ano bang nagawa ko? Wala naman akong naalalang masakit o hindi maganda sa paningin niya na nagawa ko para gawin niya yun.

Why is it that every time I feel happy, really happy. Something like this happens?

Do I really wanna know the truth? Can I handle the truth?

Pleas let this be a dream. Let this end now.

My eyes won't blink, I just feel trembles all over my body.

When my eyes started hurting, I can't get myself into closing it.

"I love you," she said.

She loves me she said.

Sabi niya hindi siya magbabago.

Here I am, na sobrang kampante but it all still goes down to this.

I close my eyes for comfort but today, it just won't close. Ito ba reaction ng katawan ko pa may nangyayaring sobrang sakit sa akin?

Lahat nalang nawawala. Lahat nalang kinukuha.

Ano ba talagang mali sa akin?

Is there something I don't have that she needs?

"Hindi na ako babalik sayo," and then my eyes closed finally.

Warm tears streamed down my cheeks one by one staining them.

I can feel the knife inside my heart, twisting.

Going deeper, and deeper, and deeper.

Will I always feel like this?