Her Secret Life. (Book Two)

Chapter 18

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

"Janie. It's time to get up."

There was an annoying voice coming from above me and I reluctantly opened one then both eyes to find Carrie luring over my half asleep form.

"Is it morning already?" I croaked even though I can clearly feel the sunlight hitting against my entire left side.

"Yup. We have a lot to talk about."

I groaned and tried to sit up but instantly regretted it as my head felt dizzy and my stomach pained. I closed my eyes and brought my knees to my chin as I tried to will away the nauseating feeling.

"Do you wanna throw up?" Carrie asks and I barely managed to shake my head no.

I mentally counted to ten and reopened my eyes as I felt my body calming down. Veronica smiles shyly before saying she would make me some tea and I dreaded being alone with my cousin. I just knew the lecture was coming. She takes a seat on the edge of my bed and I have no choice but to face the music.

"So." She began.

"So..." I reiterated.

"Wanna tell me exactly what happened at the party last night?"

"Nope."

"Jane."

"There's nothing to talk about really. I went to the house, I saw everyone, I gave the gift to aunt Rosa, maybe I drank a bit too much and then I left."

"Now you wanna tell me that with a straight face?"

"I- fine."

My shoulders hunched in defeat and I blew out a relieved breath when Veronica came back with my tea. With a grateful smile plastered onto my face I collected the cup and placed it to my head. It tasted like mint water but I forced myself to finish it in hopes of having a shortened hangover.

"Hey Roni?"

"Yeah Carr?"

"Can you give me and Jane a moment? I need to talk to her."

"Sure, I'll wait on you in the next room. Get better soon, Kay Jay?"

I nodded as I watched her leave and once more it was just me and Carrie.

"How was mom? Did she ask about me?"

"Carr-"

"Look Jane, I know you don't understand why I even bother asking but she's my mother and it would at least put my mind at ease if I knew she still cared about me... Even if it was just a bit."

"She doesn't!" I snapped as my frustration got the better of me. There was no surprise when hurt flashed across my cousin's expression and I wished I could take back my outburst. I heaved as I tried to remain calm.

"Look Carrie, I love you. You're my cousin and my best friend. Now with that said, you need to understand something... Aunt Rosa does not accept you; maybe she loves you but I sure as hell know she isn't stuck at home crying over her gay child. The sooner you accept that, the faster you can move on with your life."

I could see her trying to push the hurt away but she was failing miserably and once more I had to remind myself to be sensitive.

"I'm sorry Carrie... I know you want her acceptance of you-"

"I don't care if she accepts me or if she supports my decisions... I just wanted her to understand I am who I choose to be and I'm happy living my life..."

She stares at me and my heart sinks as I see the tears slip down her cheeks. "Why can't she see that?"

"I'm sorry-"

I pulled her close and hugged her as the silent tears erupted into loud sobs.

"Do you want to know the good thing about going there last night?" I asked softly and waited until she nodded against my shoulder.

"Uncle Austin came to my rescue... He defended us Carr. He stood up against a houseful of bigots who judge us for who we love instead of loving us like they're supposed to. He's the best father a girl could ever ask for... He's nothing like my own."

I mumbled the last part and Carrie sat up as she wiped her eyes.

"Are you still hung up over-"

"I'm not, I'm just saying... Your dad's amazing."

She sniffled and wiped her eyes and I lightly rubbed her shoulder. "Are you gay?"

"What?"

I laughed at her ridiculous question but stopped when I realized she was being serious. "You must be joking."

"You said dad came to our rescue and that they judge us for who we love..."

"I meant that in a different sense."

"Janey." Carol whispered and I saw the sympathetic look in her eyes.

"I'm not a lesbian! I was just trying to comfort you."

"Okay, okay. I'm sorry."

She throws her hands up in defeat and heads out to check on Veronica. I sigh heavily before deciding to take a quick shower and I pulled on my favorite sweats and tank top before joining them in the kitchen.

Carrie had her head buried in Veronica's neck and I thought they were making out before I came closer and saw she was trying to console her.

"Carrie." I pleaded. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to get into a fight with you. I know the whole mommy topic is off limits and I shouldn't have jumped on your case."

When she still didn't acknowledge my apology I looked at Veronica but she was staring at the kitchen counter.

"Why are you both ignoring me? What's wrong?"

"Is it okay if we talk later? We really need to be alone and figure some stuff out."

"What? Veronica, these last few days, all I ever hear is how you guys need to figure things out. Are you guys having trouble in your relationship?"

"No, we just..."

"You just what?"

She goes silent as words fail her and once again she stares at the counter. Carrie's head is still buried in her shoulder and I rolled my eyes as I tried not to get impatient.

"Would one of you talk to me. Or are you forgetting that I live here and I'm your friend?!"

"Jane."

My eyes snapped to my cousin's and I could see her trying to hold back the tears.

"It's Anthony... His trial is in two days."

"What?" I blurted out, still a bit confused. "What does that have to do with you guys?"

"We need to testify or he walks."