Her Secret Life. (Book Two)

Chapter 36

If death is the only way, tell me why I'm living?

My mind was being bombarded with hundreds of memories of the last few months and I squeezed my knees tightly to my chest as I tried to stay calm and not scream from how empty and lonely I felt inside.

My life was a mess and it was all my fault.

"Hey miss, I don't mean to interrupt you but we've been driving for a few minutes and I really need to know where you're going."

I looked up at him for the first time since entering and even though I wanted to burst into tears all over again, I nodded at him and forced myself to utter words.

"Take me to the bank?"

He nodded and started turning towards that direction. I had no money on me; no phone, no extra clothes, nothing. But I was determined not to go back to that place I called home or those people I called family. I had a plan and I was about to put it into motion.

If they hated me that much, it was better for me to leave than for me to return to the very people that despised me. I liked to pretend that I was strong and nothing could get me down, but who was I kidding? I was as weak as how my heart felt.

We made a pit stop at one of the local street shops to buy a book bag to place my money in before continuing on our journey and within the hour we pulled up at the bank. I asked the driver to wait on me while I emptied my account but he really didn't want to and after another few minutes had gone by, I finally convinced him by offering to pay extra. The session lasted an entire hour and by the time I was back in his car my head was pounding.

The teller needed way too many details, had to make calls, needed signatures and verifications since the withdrawal was over the excess of how much you're supposed to take and I worried they would call my mom.

Rolling my head around to release the pressure in my neck, I buckled up my seatbelt as he placed the car in drive.

"Where too next?"

"The nearest train station." I murmured as I pressed my head to the window of his car.

We drove in silence and I vaguely watched the passing scenery as my body felt numb and void of any and all emotion.

It was about time I started over. Yes, I it seemed like I was running from my problem but in actuality, I was avoiding a catastrophe.

The traffic was heavy and I kept checking my watch as we inched along behind the other vehicles. It wasn't until two hours later before I was snuggled comfortably in one of the cars on the train with my newly bought book bag full of cash and a new life ahead of me in my thoughts. I had college and work that I really needed to get back too and it would be rude to just up and leave but when I'd spent the rest of the summer away from my troubles, I'd know what I needed to do.

I exhaled deeply as my body finally felt comfortable enough to relax and placed my ticket into my jeans pocket. My headphones were plugged in; my music was on shuffle and turned up to its fullest, and my mind started to clear as I got comfortable. A song that I had long since forgotten started to play and I allowed myself to be swept away by its beautiful lyrics.

Feet don't fail me now; Take me to the finish line

My heart it breaks; every step that I take

But I'm hoping that the gates... They'll tell me that you're mine

Walking through the city streets, Is it by mistake or design?

I feel so alone every Friday night;

Can you make it feel like home, If I tell you, you're mine?

I couldn't stop my mind from traveling back in time or the visions that seemed to take over. I couldn't stop my heart from racing as my body remembered her touch. Our love was so short lived and the way she made me feel was nothing that could be compared. I closed my eyes as the next set of words washed over me, numbing my body from the inside out.

Don't make me sad, don't make me cry;

Sometimes love's not enough when the road gets tough,

I don't know why.

Keep making me laugh; Let's go get high.

The road is long, we carry on; Try to have fun in the meantime.

Come take a walk on the wild side; Let me kiss you hard in the pouring rain.

You like your girls insane.

Choose your last words, This is the last time,

Cause you and I...

We were born to die.

It was really odd how I connected with this song. It felt as though the lyrics were written just for me and for the first time since getting it; I finally understood its meaning.

The song was slowly started to drift away as I began to fall asleep and I allowed its sweet melody and the singer's soft voice to put me to sleep. By the time I came too, the train was emptying and one of the conductors had come to wake me up.

I had arrived at my destination.

I didn't know where to go from here or who to contact but I took a deep breath and slowly released it. This was what I wanted; there was no turning back and I had to accept that. I clutched my bag full of cash and decided to buy a burner phone before checking into a hotel.

This was it; there was no turning back now.