Unbearable

Epilogue

~2 Years Later~

"Well I'll start. My name is Dianne Wesley. I was told that you and Dr. Johnson weren't making any progress so they called me in to take her place. I uh--I'm here to listen and give guidance. I'm not here to tell you what to do or how to feel. So feel free to tell me anything. I'm ready when you are."

I didn't answer. 

"You know I was told for the past two years you sat in that exact same chair with nothing to say. Now honestly, I can sit here and let you continue to say nothing because I'm still getting paid regardless but to be honest sweetie, I care about you and your situation. Otherwise I would have told you to get the hell out of my office."

She looked at me or at least that's what I could feel. I just continued starring at my hands. 

"We can talk about you, we can talk about Kenny, your son, your mom."

"...she'snotmymom," I mumbled.

"I'm sorry Darryl what was that?"

"She's not my mom! And don't you ever make the mistake in calling her that again!"

"Why?"

I gave her the stare of evil. How dare she ask me why? Why?!?!

"Why what."

"Why can't I call her your mom? By definition she is. She birthed you. So I mean she is your mother, right?"

"You don't know shit."

"Actually I know a lot. You'd be surprised to find out just how much I know once we get to talk a little more."

"A mother, Dianne, doesn't abandon her own child for 19 years. A mother doesn't threaten to kill you. A mother does't lay hands on her only child nor put a gun to her head. A fuckin mother doesn't kill her husband and her fuckin grandchild. That's not a mother. That's a monster and I hope she burns in hell."

"Some would argue that point."

"What the fuck is there to argue?"

"Well. Just playing devil's advocate here, one can say that a daughter doesn't sleep with her mother's husband. A daughter doesn't have a child with her step father. A daughter doesn't attempt to have a relationship with her mother's husband let alone a functional family. No, that's not a daughter. That's a desperate ho."

"Who the fuck are you calling a ho?"

"I never said you Darryl. Just for the sake of argument."

"Sake of argument my ass."

"Lets recap. Say I didn't know absolutely anything about your situation. Fill me in on the last two years."

"Why when you already know?"

"I know from a stuffy therapist's point of view. I want to know from Darryl." I looked at her then starred out the window.

"You mind if I lay down like they do in all those TV shows?"

She nodded at me with a slight smile. 

"Something about you isn't like other therapist. I can feel that."

"Well Darryl, I try not to be like most." We sat quietly for a minute and I almost forgot what I was suppose to be doing. 

"Darryl."

"Huh?"

"The recap."

"Oh...yeah. Sorry."

"Don't apologize."

"Well I buried my lover and my child all within a matter of two weeks. They found Kenny in his home handcuffed naked to his bed with a knife driven through his chest straight. I uhh, I just couldn't believe it."

I began to shed tears.

"Is there tissue?" I managed to say through my tears.

She brought a box over to me. I laid it on top of my pelvis and pulled a few from the box. I wiped my tears. Blew my nose. Released the pain.

"She was pregnant. So they didn't want to give her the chair just yet. In the mean time they had her in a mental institution. Uncle Chase was really distraught after finding out she was a murderer. She had twins. A boy and a girl. Chase Jr. and Chasity. They're adorable. But they have her evil hazel eyes. Sometimes I don't want to look at them and I know I shouldn't judge them based on who their mother was but I just do."

"Mm...that's interesting."

"I visit Keith's grave everyday and Kenny's every weekend."

"What about your father?"

"Ex comunicado. I saw him blend in with the crowd at Keith's funeral but that was it. No phone call. No text. No letter. Nothing. Which I'm kind of okay with."

"Can I ask you something Darryl?"

"Isn't that your job?" I shot back. 

"Ok uh...not that you care but again, lets say you did. Have you ever tried seeing things from Christina's point of view. Let's say for example that you were Christina."

"I don't know Dianne." 

"Think."

"I mean to already know that my husband is cheating on me then to find out it's with my daughter who I've been making connection with, who I trusted, who I let in my home with open arms. Then to discover not only that but my daughter has a child by my husband? I don't know."

"How would you feel? After all that how would you feel?"

"I DON'T KNOW!"

"You do know. You just don't want to say it because you don't want share in the blame but you know how she felt."

"I guess it was all too..."

"Too what Darryl?" 

I sat up. It had just hit me. 

She snapped. 

"Ir was all too what?" Dianne asked again.

"I guess it was all too...unbearable." 

She looked at me stunned. 

"Interesting word choice," she said as she jotted down on her note pad.

"Unbearable."