Nicki&MorePips

Chapter 39

Michael Clifford was only eleven years old.  He'd experienced loss before.  But he'd never felt so . . . well lost.  Jesy.  Breathing her name was difficult.  Imaging her face brought tears to his eyes.  He was wondering how it was possible to miss someone you only knew for a few months so much.

Maybe it was because he thought about her all the time.  From the first time he saw her . . . the first time he talked to her, her face had been a presence in his mind.  He wondered what she was eating, what she was doing at any given moment. He used to think about her to escape the darkness of his world.

And it had seemed that as soon as she came into his world things had started looking up.  Like she was a good luck charm or something.  His father was out on business trips more often. Calum had friends who were helping him to stop his pervish behaviour.  Luke was a lot happier.  Ashton had been happier to . . . until recently.  It was like as soon as she stepped out everything dimmed again.  It was probably mostly his depression making it seem that way.

He'd texted Leigh-Anne everyday since this started.  She still hadn't replied to any of his messages.  It made him wonder if she had died too, along with Jesy.  He'd called the house and got an emotional sounding girl who said she was their tutor, babysitter, and Nicki's personal assistant.  He'd asked if Leigh-Anne was okay but ended up having to console the girl.  She'd said her name was Chloe.

So here he was at eleven p.m. sitting at his dining table alone.  He was drinking a cup of hot water.  He didn't even have the energy to put a tea bag in it.  He had his phone out and tried texting Leigh-Anne again.  Chloe had said that she was more or less okay.  From what he gathered there were only two days left before the plug was pulled on Jesy.

He didn't dare hope for a miracle.  He just wanted it to be over.  He had no idea what he would do when it was.

His phone suddenly rang.  A picture of Leigh-Anne's smiling face came up.  He answered as quickly as possible.

"Hello Leigh?  Are you alright?" He answered sounding concerned.

"I'm outside your gates. Please let me in." she said in a small voice.

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Leigh-Anne was here . . . in his house.  She was wearing a beanie, snow boots and a coat over what were clearly pyjamas.  Her usually bright smiling face was drained and pale with no signs of a smile.  She looked tinier than he remembered.  It was like she would break if he hugged her.

But besides all of that she was still beautiful.  Sad but beautiful. Looking at her made him want to cry.  But he kept staring.  They were both now sitting at the dining table. She was silent, seemingly thinking.  He didn't dare speak.

"I don't think she's coming back." Leigh-Anne finally said with a sigh.  She looked into his eyes.

"I'm sorry." Michael breathed out. He gulped. "I feel like it's my fault.  All of it.  It's like a chain reaction. I kissed her . . . bad things happened to you . . . she gets guilty . . . and now we're here." He blinked back tears.  Feeling like you're the reason for the downfall of someone you . . . like a lot was hard. "I'm so sorry."

Leigh-Anne blinked a lot too. "It's not your fault . . . you couldn't help it.  She is amazing . . . was amazing." She took his hand. "I'm sorry I haven't been returning your messages."

He shook his head. "No big deal.  You must have been . . . busy."

"I know you loved her." She said with a small sob. "I should have tried to be there for you . . . but you remind me of her . . . it was hard . . . I'm sorry it's hard to look at you."