Can't - Mark Tuan Fan fic

5 - Me and My Stupid Self

Confused. That's what I am right now. I know I shouldn't be, I have to trust our years together. 

I pull my lazy ass off bed and get changed. I feel like drinking again. I just want to be numb for now. 

"Where are you going?" Almost all the trainees are huddled in the living room. They've just finished eating dinner. 

I plaster a wide smile on my face. "Out."

"At this late hour?" Junior stands up and walks towards me. 

"Yeah," I say casually. I, just then, see it's already past ten in the evening. "I just need some air. Can't sleep." I massage my head, pretending to still have a hang over. 

"Need company?" He asks, going to the rack of shoes by the door and looking for his. 

"No." I immediately shake my head. I just want to be alone for now. I need to think. "Thanks anyway." I get out of the house and start running. 

I remember from our last tour that there's a bar a few blocks away from the house. I find it after some time and get inside with all the intention of getting drunk. 

When did I even resort to this kind of thing? Yes...I drink, but not like this. In the States, I would make sure that I'm still sane when I get home. Well, of course because my parents would kill me if they knew I drink. But, that's besides the point. 

Back home, when I have problems - usually school and boys - Lara would always be there to cheer me up. But, now that she's not here, I don't really know what to do. I can't even call her because....what would I tell her? That Mark told me she's been lying to me all this time? 

What if she'd have a mental breakdown just like before when we were kids? What if that would make her illness worse? Then it would be my fault. 

I call my dad instead. 

"Hey there little bear. What time is it? Shouldn't you be having your beauty rest by now?" His voice makes me want to cry even more. "Wait. Where are you?" He must've heard the music and the drunk people's noise in the background. "CRISTINA. Are you at a bar?"

Ooooppppssss!!!! "No dad," I quickly get up from the table and find the bathroom, locking myself at the last cubicle. "Sorry!" 

"Where are you?"

"Just...my housemates are just having fun dad. We're gonna start training the day after tomorrow." I half lie. 

"You live with boys???" 

Another OOOOPPPPSSSS!!!!

"Uhm....It's a dormitory dad. Anyway, are you at work?" I quickly change the topic. 

"Yeah. But, I can talk to my daughter." 

That makes me smile and want to cry at the same time. "So, how are you? How's mom?"

"Cristina. Is there something wrong?" He knows every time. 

"I just...." I cry freely now. "I just miss you, dad."

"Are you having a hard time there? You can always come back you know." He sounds worried now. 

"Everybody's actually nice. I've made a lot of new friends here." I tell him. I also tell him about the other trainees I came with, including Mark. 

"Oh. That dude you hate?" I can imagine him smirking at the other side of the line. 

"The one and only." 

"Smack him at the bridge of his nose. That would do it." He laughs. "Don't worry, I'm a good lawyer. I can fight for you." He adds, still chuckling.