social casualties | 5sos au

* Chapter 10 {By Me} *

*SELF HARM TRIGGER WARNING*
Neptune's POV

"No, no, no... I-I can't do a cover. I can't even sing. Bad idea, very bad idea." I told all the boys, and Rylie.

They want me to sing? I can't sing. An ugly girl who can't sing and is worthless? Not a good mix. Why did I think I was good enough for these guys? They're amazing, and I'm me. What was I thinking?!

"We suck at singing. You can't be any worse than us." Ashton argued.

"No, you guys are great, you'll go places. But, I... I have to go." I rushed out of Ashton's room, and right out the front door.

I ran straight to Rylie's house, and up to my temporary room, quietly shutting the door behind me. Tears immediately started streaming down my face.

All I could think of was... No! I can't go back to that. Not again. I promised to stop. For Rylie, for my family. I can't.

-Oh, but, Neptune!

It was like it was just calling me; pulling me in.

-I'm right here, here for you. No one else is. Just come back to me. I'm your only friend.

No! Stop it! I will not go back to that. The scars are almost gone. I've been clean for months now.

-Oh, please. You didn't really think that was going to last, did you? You silly little girl. Come on, I'm right here.

Okay, fine.

I walked over to my black duffel bag that was sitting on the floor next the the door. On the very bottom, underneath all of my clothes, was the little razor that I stole from my dad. Rylie took the others from me when she found out I had them. She threw them away, but I still had this one. Dad never realized I took them from him, but if he did, then he didn't care.

I walked into the bathroom that was connected to the bedroom. I sat on the floor, and shut the door.

I slowly made a slit on my wrist. I saw a little of the dark red, and I knew I had not cut deep enough.

As I cut more and more, I pressed harder each time.

Out of nowhere, someone knocked on the door, "Neptune, are you okay? Can I come in?"

It was Luke.

"No, just um... Go away, I'm fine." I said as I scrambled to find my sweatshirt.

The door creaked open. I hurried to close it and make sure he didn't see anything.

"I said don't come in, Luke! That means don't come in, Jesus-fucking-Christ! Are you deaf?" I shouted.

"Neptune, let me in!" He said, yelling now.

"I can't!" I argued, "Just go!"

He pushed the door open, causing me to fall to the floor. He stared at me, not saying or doing anything.

I struggled to stand up, "Get out!" I screamed before things started getting blurry, and then went black.