Systematic Hearts

{ 17 }

I wake up with my head on top of Burk's chest, under his jacket. Without thinking I snuggle my head into his chest, the warmth is irresistible. I move around a little bit, barely opening my eyes. Burk seems to notice, "Good morning, Annabella." Nobody has called me Annabella since I can remember. Even in school they would call me Andy, Anna, or even Bella. But never Annabella. I have no clue why. I used to ask my mom why she didn't call me my real name, I just can't, she would say with a warm smile. The kind of smile that hid something.

"How did you know that name?" I look up at Burk, small whiskers have taken over his chin. Why am I paying attention to that? 

"That's your name..." 

"No kidding." I roll my eyes and look away.

"Annabella Kate," A stupid, cute, grin is plastered on his face, "I like it, and you." What the heck?

"Thats just creepy," I laugh trying to avoid his comment, "Who told you that?"

"Carlin did," the grin slowly going away, thankfully. I couldn't take my eyes off of it.

"That's Carlin," I laugh a little, "gives all the details." Carlin has never been able to keep her mouth shut. Which is fine, but, I hope she won't give carson the idea that I like Burk. I don't. I really don't. But, then he kisses me. I let him for the second time, it feels right. But I can't push Carson from my mind, I break the kiss from Burk and walk away.

I can't fall in love with him. But I feel myself starting to want to.

                                                                                                ...

The pay phone is ringing in my ear. There is no other way to contact Carson. I need him here. Maybe I'm only falling in love with Burk because Carson isn't with me, "Hello?" Carson's voice is in my ear.

"Hey," I barely whisper. I don't feel right talking to him. I've done something wrong.

"Andy? Are you okay?" What am I supposed to tell him now?

"No," I can't keep this from him, my voice drops even lower, "I kissed Burk." I let a sob escape my mouth. I don't think I can love Carson anymore, I can't. I don't get the same feeling I get with Burk. Many more sobs follow. This is all the stupid Systems fault.  Why did Carson have to be my match? Why couldn't I meet more people? Why couldn't I grow up before starting a family. Charlie. What about Charlie?

"Oh, um, oh," Silence. Then, "Why?"

"I think its because he is part of my sister, and now, I don't know why I did it again. I started thinking about him, and I realized he was nice and I dint know. I just started falling for him. I'm so sorry," I feel faint. I am describing to my other half that I kissed a guy who doesn't have anything to do with me.

"Twice?" I can hear the sadness in his voice.

"It just happened. I'm so-" He interrupts me and his voice raises.

"Things like that don't just happen!" He's right. I let it happen. Another tear slips down my cheek. He continues to talk and his voice softens, but the anger is still there, "You don't do that stuff Andy. You know what your doing when you do it. I've known you all of my life, you have always known what your doing when you do it. Why do you think I let you go out to find your sister? Because I knew you knew what you were doing. And I know now that you know what you're doing." I let the biggest sob out yet.

"I didn't know this time. I really didn't." I instantly regret those words because as soon as they come out they feel like a lie. The wait on my shoulders get heavier. The knot in my throat gets even tighter.

"Then tell me the kiss," he pauses, "kisses didn't mean anything, tell me they were a mistake." I can hear the sadness in hi s voice. I can almost see his forehead creased with lines of confusion, just like when we were little. 

I'm not going to lie to him, not to Carson, he expects the truth, "They didn't mean nothing," I sniffle and wipe away my tears as Burk walks over and sits next to me. Just great. 

"Don't cry, you knew what you were doing. I understand that. A seventeen year old shouldn't have to marry or have a kid. I'm sorry. We can always be brother and sister." What? What does this mean?

Has he always thought against the System? 

"So it's over?" I whisper. Burk is silent beside me. he knows whats happening by now. He must. 

"You knew what you were doing."

"Charlie?" I don't disagree with him. I don't need to lie anymore. But Charlie. I love Charlie, truly love him.

"Your parents? Mine? We don't have to tell him about the past. We shouldn't deprive him of his childhood. I think one of our parents would be fine." He seems concerned too.

"Mine. They already have a bed. My old one, and they never got rid of the baby stuff," It will be hard but, "No mention of the past, ever."

"Okay. You okay?"  He still cares like  brother.

"Yeah, I guess. I mean how can I be? Thanks though." One more question. "Fly out here. Help me find her." it will be very weird and sad, but he is still like a brother, "In a way Alice is your sister too."

"Okay." he agrees, "I will."

I wait  minute and then hang up. No reason for goodbyes. Because goodbyes mean he's gone forever. And he isn't. 

I lean my head on Burk and cry. He rubs my back, and leans on me. 

I love Burk.

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Sorry I haven't written! This chapter had to be good. So I hope it is. Sorry if anyone hates me for this chapter but...

Thanks for reading!

Again sorry for not writing for so long!!!!!!

On my computer again so pretend there is a symbol here...:::