Systematic Hearts

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Fading in
Fading out
Fading white
Fading black
Fading life
Fading death.

It's been an eternity.
It's been infinite white.
It's been infinite black.

It's an unfinished life.
This is an unfortunate state.

How much longer
Do I just sit here?
                                   ...

This is new. The white turns to black. The black turns to gray. I sit there for the longest time. Little puffs moving around. The gray. It's so familiar. So very familiar. What is it? Cool stale air drifts across my face. My hearing comes into my body again. The hum of machines next to me. The earthy smell smacks me in the face. It smacks a smile on my face. A small one.

Underground.
I'm back. Alive. I hope. I shift my head upward. The clammy colored curtain hangs feet in front of the bed I lay on. Only a slight pain is in my body. It must have been a long time. The burning fire of my pain is long gone. Only an electric hum remains. Am I all alone? I look around. I only hear a shuffle of feet outside of the curtain. A while later the curtain opens. The blonde girl. One of the last faces I saw. She looks cleaner. Fresher. Older. She is wearing a uniform. The uniform of a solider. She is so much older. So much. I gasp. How long has it been?

At my gasp she looks at me. The blonde girl looks stronger. She looks so different, yet the same features dot get face. She smiles, "Ready to join us?" She stares into my eyes. It takes a while to find my voice.

"H-how long has it been?" She lets her smile fade as she sits on the bed next to me. She grabs my hand. Has she been here a lot?

So many questions, but her voice stops my thoughts, "Four years." She whispers. "It's been four...It's been four years." I open my mouth then shut it. How much have I missed. I put my head down. Staring at the gray ceiling.

"So. I'm- I'm.." My voice trails off.

"Twenty one. I'm thirteen. I haven't really left this place since you went out. Technically you're my only family now. I mean, everyone here is nice. But, you know. You're the only one I truly trust." Her gaze falters down to the sheets. I never knew her name. I never knew who she was. I left a nine year old with no one. For four years.

"I never, I never got your name four years ago." I sigh. The blonde girl smiles.

"Well, the best time to learn is now. My name is Juniper. You are technically my guardian. Now that you,re awake, you don't have to be if you don't want to be. But, I was a stubborn nine year old, I didn't let anyone touch me. It took them a year to get me to do anything. By eleven I was fine, helping out. And now, I guess I'm training to be a solider in the war." She looks at me for a little. "Are you still my guardian?"

"Yes, I am." I pause. "Juniper." I add, "I like that.

"Do I have to call you anything? Like mom?" She makes a sad face.

"No!" We laugh. "I'd rather not, if that's okay." I don't want to rush anything anymore. No rush, no fuss.

"That's fine," she perks up as if she was dreading having to call me mom. She probably was, no one can replace her. No one.

She puts her head down and after a while she is asleep. She talks a mile a minute, but it seems like she hasn't slept in years.

Hours later, the curtain swings open again. Alice walks in. She looks at Juniper, "She hasn't really slept in so long." She looks at me. "I missed you."

"I missed you too."

"How are you feeling?" She sits next to Juniper.

"Confused. Who's still here? What's happening?" I ask her.

She smiles, "Mom and Dad are still here, they made it across those lines. Carson, Carlin and their family made it across too." She frowns a little. "Burk made it across. He, he uh. He-"

"What's wrong? He made it right?" She looks into my eyes and hugs me. I close my eyes. This can't be right. "What happened to him?" My voice cracks, "Was it bad?" She pulls away a little, just enough to look me in the eye.

"Uh," her voice is shaky, "no. No, it wasn't bad for him. I don't think it was. It was two years ago. He was killed in the battle. He helped win, took down one of the System board members. But he got shot in the back of the neck. I was so," She had tears dripping out of her eyes. Mine are closed, a silent rain in my cheeks. She went on, "I was so close." She takes a ragged breath. "Hugh, the guard that helped you find the cams a long time ago, caught his body before it hit the ground. Wendy covered them. She's the one who helped you the morning you arrived. She covered him, and took a bullet for him. She kept going but Hugh said Burk was already going. He said there was no way to save him." I was sobbing the loudest I ever have. Juniper wakes up, she hugs my hand. Even Alice is silently crying. She never cries. "He said Burk was gone ten minutes later." My sobs grow louder. The pain in the pit of my stomach grows so large I can't handle it. The image of his crumpled body in front of the System Capitol. He was my first true love. He stole my heart without the System's help. He took it and now he's gone.

Alice and Juniper hug me tighter than before. I am a ball in the middle of my bed. The muffled cries echo around me. No goodbye. No goodbye, and no hello today. I wanted that. The last kiss I gave him four years ago, I thought I was saying goodbye for a few days. But I said goodbye forever. I have to live without him. I have to leave him behind. I have to go in with life. The life I just woke up too. "He's gone!" I scream. Over and over. A few guards come down, but leave when they see there is no threat. I thought everyone would be fine. But there is a threat. The stupid System. "They killed him!" I heave out more sobs. I thought it would be a happy ending. A daydream. But instead this is my nightmare. I wanted to smile at him again. Smile for no reason. I wanted to love him. I knew him for less than a year. But he whispered to me. He made sure I was okay. But I don't get to hear his whisper in my ear. I don't even get to here his voice. He's gone and he's never coming back.

He's gone and he's never coming back.

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Heyyyyy...
Thanks for reading! I'm sorry if you didn't like how Burk was dead. He was her true love. So sorry if you didn't.
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