Systematic Hearts

{ 27 }

As I walk down the gray halls, all I can think about is what he thought about me. Maybe he thought I was gone. That I was never coming back. A small part of me is angry with him. He shouldn't have left. He shouldn't have gone away the way he did. He was stupid to go to that stupid yard without more back up. What was he thinking. But a part of me thinks he left to come to get me. I feel as though he left so that I could be here. Maybe I didn't mean much to him. Maybe I didn't. Maybe he left so he wouldn't have to see my pale face and withered bones hooked up to a machine day after day. I silently wipe the tears off with my outfit. The same thing I wore four years ago. You cult say I haven't changed much but I don't know, I feel different. I feel ready to fight. I still haven't seen my mom. Alice said she came down to my room but I had fallen asleep after crying the day before. I walk down the steps to the main room. They sure have built into this place. More floors extending downward and outward. Only three people litter the main room, one sitting with a blank stare, the others talking in muffled murmurs.

The one staring, he looks familiar. The soft stubble. The sandy blonde hair. The green eyes. Carson. I walk over as if he were a plate in the edge of a table, ready to get away. Does he know I'm here? I sit across from him. He continues to stare. I smile, lift my hand a little. But I realize he's not here. He's in his head. I clear my throat softly, "Carson?" I whisper.

His gaze shifts towards me. His eyes melt away from the cold stare he held seconds ago. He doesn't talk though. Just stares. "Carson?" I ask again, my voice shaky, "Carson? Do you remember me?" He just looks. "Cars-" I stop swallow my tears, close my eyes and breath. Maybe he's just scared. I open my eyes again."Carson, I'm back. I'm here. Carson?" I quit. I just sit there.

Until finally, "Who are you again?" My chest stops beating. How has he forgotten.

"Andy. It's Andy, I'm back. I-"

"I don't remember an Andy.." He looks like he is thinking.

"Annabella. Do you remember Annabella Richards?" I ask, silently biting back tears.

"No, I'm sorry. Maybe we can get to know each other?" He asks.

A year slips down my cheek, "I know you already. Don't you know me? We grew up together. Your sister is Carlin. We were out together by the System, but we went separate ways. I, I went a separate way." I look him in the eye, "Don't you remember me?" Another tear.

"Please don't cry, I really don't remember you. Im sorry. You may have been from earlier. I just don't remember much. You see, I was in battle and I was injured by a solider. That's what I was told. I don't remember certain details. I'm sorry. Maybe we can get to know each other...Again?"

"Oh, In sorry for the injury." I take a deep breath.

"Me too. You look like I had a good friend in you." He gets up and leaves. My head falls to my hands. My tears draining down my cheeks. The System took him too. In a way, it is worse than death. Burk is gone. But Carson is still here. He is just too far from my grasp. Too far for me to reach. Just dangling in front of me. The more that's taken from me, the more I want to get the System back.

I get up and decent the stares. My feet working in their own. My mind is in too much of a haze to follow them. My hand knocks on the door to my parents room. I think.

The door opens and the face that comforted me throughout my life shows. "Hey mom." I say in a husky voice.

"Oh!" She cries out. "Honey" her face looks worn, too many frown lines. Her forehead creased with lines of worry.

"Hi mom." I say, her face goes into a smile, but her eyes still look worried. "Sorry I was gone for so long."

"Oh Andy, you weren't gone. You were just taking a break for a little while. I understand." I shake my head. I was just taking a break, her words on repeat. I was just taking a break from what? Interaction. No. I was dying to have that. Family. No. I would have given anything to see them. I guess I was taking a forced brake from nothing. And some things I cannot have back from my life before. I walk into my mom's open arms. Her fingers slowly circle my back.