"Noah please stop crying you're giving me a headache." I tried patting his back and sitting on the ground and laying him over my knee to help push the mucus out but it's not helping. And now he won't stop crying. It's night time and it's much cooler now and I'm sure this cold wind isn't helping either. After that asshole left Noah and I at the bus stop I followed his trail since I'm going to take a wild guess and assume he's driving back into the city, or hopefully somewhere near it.
I'm so over shit like this happening to me. Will used to beat my ass and drive me out to some place I've never been before and make me find my way home. After this I'm getting a bodyguard or a security team. This whole dumping me out in the middle of nowhere has Will all over it. I bet you $20 it was him who pulled this shit, Will can be in a high maximum security prison with no connection to the outside world and he can still fuck with me. And this was a prefect example of that.
I just hope to God he hasn't done anything to Jacq. If my baby is hurt... Help me God.
You know, sometimes I dream about that day at the hotel when I busted him finally. I think about when I shot that baton round first. Sometimes I wish those beanbag bullets were real ones. But then again I would've been stooping to his level. Sometimes thinking about being the one to make him take his last breath keeps me up at night. I wanted to be the noose around his neck or floor door that dropped below from under him. I wanted to be his electric chair or the finger that pulled the trigger when I held that gun.
But I didn't.
Will used to do terrible things to me. He used to say awful things about me. He'd sometimes take me shopping and take me the spa to get treated like a queen and make love to me like he actually loved me. Then when we were finished he'd lay next to me and pick me apart. He'd say "Javeon, sucking my dick is the only thing you'll be good at in life." Or he'd tell me to stand naked in front of him on the bed and tell me about all the things he'd hate about me. He'd always take me shopping after that, like he was trying to make up for hurting my feelings. A few times he closed the mall down for me so I'd have all the time in the world to get what I wanted with no lines to what in. All that didn't make my feeling any better about the way he treated me.
He'd let me do all that and then beat me to the ground because I bought to much. And if I tried to fight back it was over. The way he'd be beating me sometimes you would've thought he was trying to kill me. He wouldn't stop till I'd be unconscious on the floor. Or he'd call up a group of his rich white friends and put me in a dog's cage in a middle of a room and leave me there and let them do whatever they wanted to me.
I suffered through all that to pull myself through school and to help my family. Little did I know my dad had sold my ass over already. When Will got locked up I told myself I would never let him do no shit like that to me again but here I am walking my tired ass into town.
I'm sure my father wouldn't let anything like this happen to Shyan. I know my father wanted another boy and I came along but I'll never understand how he could treat me so terribly. I fell in love with basketball by watching my brother play but a part of me loved basketball for my father. I saw how proud he was when we went to Shyan's games. There was this look in his eye that I wanted to see when he looked at me. So when I joined all these basketball teams I hoped he'd feel the same but he hardly came to my games, and when he did he judged my every move even if I followed plays perfectly. I'm a way better basketball player than my brother but my dad didn't care about that. All he wanted was to give all his attention to Shyan.
That's why I think I kept messing with Will. He was a man who was willing to give me some attention. Even though it was all negative someone was giving me the time a day. My mom never did anything for me so I wasn't to concerned about her opinion and the age gap between my brother and I didn't make us close. I only followed him around because I wanted us to be like how a brother and sister should be but that never happened. Only time we had a good time with each other is when Spalding was between us.
My brother collected Spalding basketballs and tried to fix old ones when we were growing up. Sometimes when I'd wonder the streets of Jamaica I'd make sure to look for a stray ball everywhere I went. I'd find one and bring it to him just for his reaction. That was the only time he'd really talk to me. He'd ask me where I found it and if anyone was around when I took it. And after I answered those questions he'd let me stay in his room and I'd watch him clean the ball up. He'd repaint the the black lines and the logo and melt the rubber with a needle to try and get the pattern back. Even though I'd seen him do it a million times that was the only time I felt close to him.
I never realized how broken my household was until I went away to college. No one helped me pack or move my things with me. By that time Shyan was in the military and married and my dad didn't care about me going to college and my mom was so busy serving him on hand and foot. She tried to help me fold some clothes or tape some boxes but my dad always called her for something petty. While other families all came together to hello their kids out. My roommates family heeled me bring all my stuff in. When they asked about why my family couldn't help I lied and said they couldn't afford to come with me to Jamaica. I don't like lying but saying my family didn't give a fuck about me would've been to embarrassing.
"Noah- dammit." I held him away from me as his pee dripped out from the bottom of his onsie. It was soaked down to the feet. I had to take his diaper off since It had reached its full capacity. He hadn't really peed since we left the place we were at. I guess it would be hard to pee when you haven't had anything to drink. There were diapers and things in the room, I should've took some before I left. I guess I didn't think that all the way through before I broke us out of there.
I looked at a dusty Welcome sign that stood in the dirt. The sandy ground started to show a cracked street underneath. I stopped walking and and looked ahead of me to see a few lights in the distance.
"I think we're almost there." I put Noah's wet body toward me and started to run where the lights are.
-----------------------------
