To love you | Malum

Ch. 16 - Rainy Days + Lists

Michael + Ch. 16 - Rainy Days + Lists

I was permitted from leaving the hospital for an entire week, because the doctors and nurses still feared that I had a concussion, despite tests proving that I didn't. Being knocked out of my wheelchair by Luke was rough, but the pain was bearable in a way. It didn't slumber me into some sort of permanent vacation, just gave me an idea that nothing will ever add up to the day I was pushed off of that wall and ended up like this. I, Michael Clifford, have had quite a lot of disadvantages since I've ended up in this damn chair with wheels, and that includes having Calum refuse to choose me over the one who makes their relationship seem nontoxic to the public. Everyone believes they're in love -- but it's completely one sided, with Calum claiming that he's hopelessly crushing on the blonde, when in reality, he isn't. And I think that's what bothers me the most.

Today was a rainy day, the last day I'd be stuck in this secluded hospital for the next few hours, until I could be released and departed to the one place I wanted to be, home. The one place where I could return to the smell of cheap burritos or lo mien. The place where I could hang around my father and be the real me, because I don't have anything to hide. I don't have to build my walls up around my dad, because he's my dad, and not Calum. With Calum, everything is different – everything is forced, and I feel like I'm loving him with everything I have, while he's taking advantage of that and using it to forget that he isn't all that into Luke.

I was sitting up in my hospital bed, annoyed by all of the wires and tubes poking at my skin, but the doctors suggested that it was necessary for procedures and further examinations to make sure it's safe for me to go home. Calum was by my side, missing school, might I add, and he had out a deck of cards. I haven't played cards since I was young. He had a heavy jacket on, with a baby blue blanket hanging off of his right shoulder, and he was smiling so cutely that I felt as if I was melting into a pile of goo, just from the sight of him being happy. Or maybe he was pretending for my sake.

"Ever played Solitaire?" Calum questioned, while I shook my head seconds later, because no, no I haven't. My mother failed to teach me all of the fun card games, aside from 'Go Fish' or 'Uno.' She failed at being a good mother, overall. Daryl tried to entertain me as often as he could, but working two jobs has always been hectic for him, and he barely has time for me anymore. And if he does, it's all about football – all about the dream that I'll never be able to pursue again. I was watching Calum as he shuffled the cards in his hands, and I didn't miss the way he bit down on his lip to the point of it becoming chapped. I didn't miss the way his eyes lit up when he handed me a certain amount of cards. I didn't miss the way our hands awkwardly sat on top of one another, just before he pulled away and coughed, because he has a boyfriend. But I did miss the way his cheeks turned red afterwards, because maybe he loved holding hands with me as much as I loved holding hands with him.

"Is this what you always do on rainy days?" I pressed with a small chuckle escaping from my throat, but his breath hitched and his fingers began to shake. This was the anxious side coming out of him. His eyes peered downwards, his feet began to rhythmically tap against the floorboards, and his heart, it was almost as if I could hear the sound of it beating, and it made my own speed up – which was quite obvious for him, considering it was on a screen. He blushed at that, and it was cute. He was cute.

"I'm usually alone on days like these," Calum frowned, his lip slightly trembling and his nose crinkling because he was about to go down on a trip towards memory lane, "I always wanted to have somebody I could dance in the rain with, you know? I wanted to kiss somebody and risk getting sick because they mean everything to me. I've always liked the idea of staying in, cuddling under blankets and watching movies until it's three in the morning and I'm in the arms of the person I love. But no, that isn't what I received."