To love you | Malum

Ch. 31 - I Forgot What It's Like To Sleep + I Love You

Michael + Ch. 31 - I Forgot What It's Like To Sleep + I Love You

Nothing was going the way that the three of us had planned. Ashley's parents stayed away, (which was a bonus for her since she didn't have to give up baby Lux, but it was also more of a hassle on us. Not that I minded it, though. I loved Lux.) She had to go through the trouble of buying a crib, though she didn't have any money on her so Daryl chipped in and offered to buy diapers and clothes and bottles as well. I wondered if he was working double now that he had more money, but I wasn't in the right place to ask. Karen was still (hopefully not) expecting me to move to Columbia with her. I didn't want to. I couldn't be away from the people who mattered most to me.

Calum started hanging around the two of us more – but his attention drifted away from me most of the time because Lux liked to cry a lot. He, however, had the voice to calm her down and send her off into a warm, comforting sleep. I kept wondering how he made parenting look so easy, and he wasn't even the parent. "She's out like a light."

"You're going to make a great dad one day," I mumbled, though my words were getting caught in my throat. I kept thinking about what it'd like if we were actual parents of a child, even if we aren't capable of becoming pregnant. We could always adopt and raise the child, and I could be a stay home dad who plays with the kid and works with a computer that I'd have to save up for, and Calum could be the outside dad who works hard and takes our child out for ice cream every weekend, then laughs when our child gets it all over their nose. Maybe I was getting too ahead of myself, but I wanted something like that. I wanted a future with Calum Hood.

"You think so?" Calum's eyes twinkled, his hands slightly rocking the crib Lux laid in. Ashley smiled from the corner, her eyelids pulling themselves closed as she was exhausted from the pregnancy. I didn't blame her – if I gave birth, I'd want to sleep all the time too. "I want a child of my own, one day."

"Maybe. . ," I paused, thinking about what his reaction would be, "I don't know, it's stupid. You wouldn't like the idea of it."

"The idea of what?" Calum asked, his hands moving away from the crib and landing on the side of his hips.

"I just thought it'd be cool to. . okay, maybe not cool, but nice to have kids together. Like adopted ones – a girl and a boy, or two girls, and two boys, or even a gender neutral baby. I know it's weird since we literally just started dating, but God, Calum, can't a guy dream?" I sighed into my hands, feeling my cheeks burn up. Calum was looking down at the floor and looking at me seconds later, and it was almost like he was deciding on if I was worth it to keep in the future. "I'm sorry. It's stupid. I know that it's hard enough to love me and deal with me being in this dammed thing. But having kids? I'm out of my fucking mind."

"No, no you're not." Calum smiled, his eyes crinkling the slightest bit. "It would be nice."

"You mean. . you wouldn't mind a future with me?" I asked, feeling unsure. I was so far ahead of myself, focusing on something that wasn't even real and was completely out of the picture – but having a life with Calum, actually being able to be a family sounded nice. I wanted that more than I wanted anything else, and it made me feel utterly ridiculous but great at the same time.

"Michael." Calum got down to my level, his right fingers stroking the side of my left cheek. "You're beautiful and breath-taking, and you literally absorb the earth and all of it's mass and energy. You're what lights up the world, my world. Please give me one, or even a million reasons as to why I wouldn't want to have a future with you."

"There's Luke."

"The past," Calum added in. "He's the past. Nothing to me, and he's with Ashton. I thought I proved that I am entirely devoted to you yesterday?"