To love you | Malum

Ch. 37 - I'm Better With You + Stay

Michael + Ch. 37 - I'm Better With You + Stay

The sound of a guitar being played woke me up. It was a couple of strings strumming repeatedly, along with a soft voice colliding with the instrument. I'm searching for something that I can't reach. Her voice sounded broken, and it cracked twice as she sung one line. It was the softest I've ever heard anybody sing. I listened to a couple more lyrics, until I heard a certain lyric. My ghost, where'd you go? I can't find you in the body sleeping next to me. I knew this song was about me, as she told me before, but this line reminded me of Calum. He was here with me, rather than at his house. We had school today. The place we've been failing to go to because we didn't want to. I wasn't sure why I expected to graduate, or ever get through the school year with passing grades, but it was nice being rebellious. It was nice having Calum with me, but sometimes it's like he's here without actually being here — like his body is next to me but his mind is somewhere else.

I sat up from the bed, pulling the covers off of my body. It was five in the morning, leaving me an hour to get ready for school. I groaned as I thought about it. I then stood up, finally adjusting to the walking boot without the help from anybody else. Ashley was right across from my room with Lux sleeping right next to her. She was still singing her heart out without realizing I was there. Cause I'm always tugging at your sleeves, and I swear I hate you when you leave, but I like it anyway.

"You could've said all of this to my face." I gave her a smile, practically startling her. She put her hand up to her heart, giving me a look full of panic. "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you. I just. . that song is fantastic. It's raw, it's unique, it's beautiful. And you should have told me all of this. I would've understood."

She shook her head, setting her guitar aside. Her cheeks were red. "Didn't even realize I woke you up. Silly me." Her laughter rung through my ears. "I guess now is as good of a time to tell you as ever."

I cocked an eyebrow at her.

"I found a place to stay, so you guys don't have to take care of Lux and I anymore. It's a cheap apartment that I can rent for a little while. I'll have to get a job, but it's big enough to get by until I get through school. Maybe you and Calum can come by and babysit Lux from time to time. I'd have to find a way to pay you, though."

I gave her a small smile, though deep down, I felt sad. I knew she wanted to leave, but I didn't realize she was planning on getting out of here so soon. "I'll do it for free. But you know, Ashley. You don't have to leave right now. You could stay a little longer."

She laughed, her voice still somehow finding a way to crack. "No, I can't. We've been over this. You and I are like clouds, Michael. Meant to drift away from one another. I know that was a shitty metaphor, but I have to make some time for myself and I need to give Lux the best life she could possibly have. I don't want her to end up as fucked up as me."

"You're not fucked up, Ashley. Far from it." I bit down on my lip, feeling all of my nerves get to me. "I wish I could do something to convince you to stay. I don't. . I don't want you to leave. Having you here is nice. You keep me sane."

Ashley looked down at the ground, then looked over to the wall. She already had her suitcase packed up. "You keep me sane too, Michael. But again, it hurts too much, and I can't live with you forever, you know? I'll eventually have to become an actual adult who does adult things. I can't be a teenager forever who relies on the boy she has a crush on who just so happens to be gay." She tried to laugh it off, but I could hear the hurt in her voice. "Sorry that came off harsh, but I just have to do what's best for me, Michael, and I hope you can understand that."