To love you | Malum

Ch. 18 - Throw It All Away + Sadness

Michael + Ch. 18 - Throw It All Away + Sadness

I was never going to get my old life back. Being that star football player who managed to get multiple touchdowns while the other team couldn't even score one wasn't me anymore. I wasn't going to be able to move my legs again, in a way where I could go for a long walk in the park to think, or I could run and feel free. Somehow though, I keep forgetting that having disabilities is my reality, and it'll always be my reality until I'm healed. Maybe never attending this school would have been a better head start for me, but I'm not sure if I regret it. Yet, anyway. Calum is the only good thing I've had happen to me in a while. So far, that is.

The school was hosting another fundraiser, and I wasn't surprised to find that all of the money was going to help profit new cheer uniforms and football helmets. Charity deserves it more. I was sitting off on the sidelines watching everyone chat people up on why they should donate as they shook their hips to the beat of the music that was playing on the wireless radio. It was some sort of rap song. Something that I didn't care much about, because it was only about sex. That song was, anyway. I didn't understand the hype.

Luke was eyeing me down the entire time, and maybe it was because Calum broke up with him. He was the reason for me being in the hospital, but I guess that never made it through his head. I couldn't even think about his idiocy for long because he was making his way over towards me, and I could feel my breath starting to shake again. Please don't hurt me. He had this smile on his face, almost as if it was forced, but not forced enough, and his hands were clinging to the cotton inside of his pockets, and his blue eyes were shooting daggers and arrows inside of my brain. He wasn't Calum. "You know what I think, Michael?"

"W - What?" And then I was stuttering again. It was almost as if I didn't have any control over who I was when Luke was around. He was a huge reason as to why I didn't want to be apart of this world anymore, but Calum made it worthwhile. "I think you're intimidated by me."

"Right, sure, of course," I rolled my eyes while pulling up a front, but I knew he was going to catch onto my lies in the span of a minute. He always did, and he'd always beat me up for it. Calum had finally noticed after a while, and I didn't miss the way he looked sympathetic, or the way his lip was quivering, or the way he was humming along to the music on the radio and trying his best not to look at me, but I did miss the way he started talking to the cheerleaders afterwards. I obviously wasn't that important.

Luke had his hands on the arms of my wheelchair, and he was intimidating, and why that was, I wasn't sure. But I did know that he made me want to run, hide, get out of this place once and for all. I couldn't leave Calum, though, not in the mental state that he was. I cared more about his happiness than I cared about my own. "Still looking at my boyfriend, huh?"

"He told me you guys broke up," I froze, and in that moment in time, I knew I was just being stupid. Chances were that Calum was just playing me to get a good laugh, or maybe he just wanted Luke, because he's better than me. I'm just Michael Clifford, what the hell is there to love about me?

The heat was unbearable, and I wanted to take my jacket off, but I couldn't. Luke was blocking me from all possible movement, and he had this grin on his face that made me feel anxious. He was possessive, that's for sure. "Oh silly, silly Clifford. We're still together."

"But Calum said-"

"That he came knocking at my door at three in the morning crying because he wanted me back so bad?" Luke smirked, and I felt my heart shatter in two. This couldn't be true, this couldn't be true. I glanced back over at Calum, and I saw that he was looking at me and smiling, but I just shook my head at him and closed my eyes. That broke his smile for sure. I didn't miss the way he looked hurt when I didn't smile back at him. I didn't miss the way he looked as though I was running through his mind and he was scared. I didn't miss the way he looked back down at his hands as if something belonged there, as if it was something that belonged to me. But oh, I did miss the way he shook it all off and started walking towards me. I was so caught up in thought that I didn't realize he was standing at Luke's side seconds later. "Mind if I talk to Michael alone for a few?"