Toast

Chapter Twenty Four // Guilt

- Elizabeth's POV -

It was Sunday, me and Amber had decided to stay in all day and dive deep into the internet for information on more sexualities. After we got dressed Amber went to the common room kitchen to make us some toast as I began searching on my laptop.

It makes me angry that I was never educated about sexuality when I was younger, my family are extremely homophobic. It should be taught in primary schools, it should be shown as something that is normal and common for teenagers to experience. But it is made out to be strange and disgusting which is why so many people are bullied for liking the same gender.

When my brother Lui came out as gay last year it opened my mind up about everything, I should have talked to him about my confusions when I liked Connie but I was terrified in case he told mum and dad. I know they would have thrown me out just like they did with him.

I clicked on 'Bisexual' a sexuality most people know about, I looked through it and thought about what Amber said last night. How she likes both boys and girls and would date either. Amber returned from the common room with two plates of toast, I looked up from the laptop and thanked her.

"Bisexual? How does that sound?" I asked her as she set the plates down on the dressing table, she sat down on the bed beside me and nodded. She lifted the laptop off my lap and began reading the page I was on.

"Bisexual has always been a label I thought about, it's just really scary putting a label out there you know? What if it suddenly changes and everybody thinks I'm a liar?!" Amber explained while biting her lip, I understood exactly what she meant. Some people are completely fine without putting labels on their sexualities or even genders but that just gives me anxiety because I like knowing what I am or who I am.

I grabbed the piece of paper I wrote on the night before, the one with me and Amber's sexuality suggestions. I wrote 'Bisexual' in her category and then what it represented.

"We will keep that as a possibility, there are still so many to research" I told her, she nodded.

"I'm really stuck on what your sexuality could be though Effie, it's complicated to research. No offence" Amber said, I laughed and agreed. Not knowing was making me uneasy.

Amber got up and played some music from her record player, I swayed while looking at the laptop screen.

"So.. Tell me about you and Jade" I said to Amber with a grin, she sat down on her bed facing me.

"I don't know.. When I'm around Jade I feel different compared to what I would feel around a friend. I've felt this odd connection with her since the first day we spoke, I just really hope she feels the same" Amber explained with a smile on her face, she seemed nervous while talking about Jade. I think the 'having a crush on a girl' thing was completely new to her, she's unsure on how to tackle it.

"Have you ever been with a girl?" Amber asked me, I laughed slightly and shook my head.

"My family are really religious.. And homophobic. My brother came out as gay last year and they threw him out of the house, he was homeless. I don't think I would've ever dated a girl while living at home because of how they treated Lui. I liked a girl though and she screwed me over.." I ranted while frowning, I could feel the anger in my chest while thinking about Connie.

"Wow. What was the girls name?"

- Priya's POV -

I woke up completely drenched in sweat and my breathing was fast as if I had ran a marathon. Carrie-Anne was sitting at her desk doing homework as usual, she looked across the room at me with a worried expression.

"Priya? What's up?" She asked me, I jumped out of bed and began to get changed. I felt sick and guilty, all night my head was racing with thoughts over me and Elizabeth kissing.

"I just need to get some air" I told Carrie-Anne as I stormed out of our bedroom and hurried to Elizabeth's room, I was desperate to speak to her.

I couldn't tame the awful thoughts in my head, they were repeatedly telling me that Sydney hated me. She was upset and heartbroken that I had kissed another girl, I felt like I cheated on her even though she wasn't here anymore. My breathing got faster and faster as I got closer to Elizabeth's room, this is how I knew I wasn't ready to move on.

As I hurried down the corridor's I could see Sydney's tearful eyes and heartbroken smile in my head, she was everywhere.

I knocked on Elizabeth and Amber's bedroom door loudly with my shaking hand, I stuffed them into my hoodie pockets so she wouldn't see how nervous and worked up I was. Elizabeth answered, she had a smile on her face and Amber was dancing around to music in the background.

"C-Can I speak to you in private please?" I asked her, she nodded and stepped outside of her bedroom. Nobody was around in the corridor so we were alone. Elizabeth stared at me in confusion, I could feel my eyes tearing up because Sydney was still in my mind.

"Look, the kiss was a mistake. We both just got caught up in the moment, it wasn't meant to happen" I told her, she raised her eyebrows and then looked down.

"Oh, right. Yeah I guess.." She muttered, I could tell she was upset.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.." I said quickly before hurrying away and leaving her standing alone in a silent corridor, I couldn't handle seeing Elizabeth sad because of my words. Yesterday she was supportive and comforting to me and then I have to make her sad, I do this all the time.

- Elizabeth's POV -

The next day arrived which meant the second week of living in the boarding school was here, Monday here we go!

I spent my night crying over a girl I barely knew and had kissed once. Amber was angry at Priya, she told me that I was lead on and she saw it coming. I should've listened to her, I should've realised that we are nothing alike and we would never work.

Me and Amber entered our registration class together, Amber had her arm around me tightly as we walked over to our seat and threw our bags on the floor. The rest of the class appeared including Priya and her friends, I sighed and lowered my head to stare at the desk while they walked passed and sat at the back of the room.

"How was your weekend everyone?" Our tutor asked, nobody answered. Most of the girls in the room were asleep and the others were eating their breakfast or listening to music.

"Well, I have another ice breaker for you all!"

"Why? We've been here for a week" Jade asked rudely, the tutor stared at her with a blank expression.

"Because Jade some people may not have found their cliques. There might be people in this room who have so much in common with you and you don't even know it!" The tutor shouted, somehow she is so enthusiastic on a Monday morning.

"Yeah, we are all so alike! Take Jade and Priya for example. Priya likes boys and then Jade.. Well, we all know what she likes" Ashley shouted out with an evil grin on her face, the rest of the girls in the class laughed. Jade glanced across the room at Ashley in anger.

As everybody continued to laugh, I looked over at Priya who was staring directly at me with a frown on her face. I looked away quickly and sighed. Amber and Carrie-Anne groaned because Ashley is so annoying.

"Get out of my classroom Ashley" The tutor instructed, Ashley continued to laugh and point at Jade as she left the room. Everybody quieted down once she was gone.

"I apologise Jade.." The tutor said, she sat down at her desk and sighed.

"It's fine. At least we all know who the childish one is in the class" Jade said with a grin, me and Amber nodded in agreement.