Kissing Her

3: Telling

The next days I do nothing, except hanging with Jack now and then. It's strangely nice, cause each time we're together, we learn new things about each other. He's more like the accepting brother I've never had. I think he will accept me, no matter if he loves me or likes me as friends.

To dive straight into it: I don't think he's in love with me.

I can't see something, but friendship in his eye -and trust me, in panicky moments when I thought I did, to find a reason for why he's being so nice, I have looked. How is it possible that he can be this nice, just to be friends? But it's clearly the only thing he wants of our relation. He also has this cute habit. When I look at him, and he notices he sends me this smile again that's so typically Jack. It's more like a grin, but clearly not that. It's heart-warming. And before you point out that I'm "supposed to be gay", I'll just remind you of the fact that you can still like a person without being in love.

I know that I'm gay. Like, 110%. My parents don't know it yet. Yes, it's only Maya who knows. Except for all those boys she's trying to set me up with. And the people at my old school of course. After me and Denise became a couple, people saw us and just... accepted it. Even though we actually tried to hide it at first. I'm still so thankful that people didn't care enough to pick on us, just because we were one of the few gay couples at school.

And there you have the reason I couldn't stand the thought of moving -still can't. The thought of starting all over again, with a new school with no familiar person, creeps me out. Even though people at school was accepting when I told them (Maya clearly doesn't count here), I'm still scared of being known as "the gay one". I know I've been lucky so far.

But Jack is one single person, how much can he hurt me?

After the relationship we have built, it can be worse. Those little things as saying he's against homosexuality, even if we're still friends, can be stuck with me forever. Like it is with me and Maya. I don't want it to become the elephant in the room with him too.

It's Sunday and the weather is hot and rainy. I text Jack and ask if can meet me at the usual place, behind the elementary. Time to be honest.

When I open the gate to the school, I can see a silhouette, sitting on one of the swings. "Hi" Jack greets me with his usual only-Jack-can-make-this, kind of smile. "Hi. I have something to tell you" okay, you want to go straight to the point, Kristy? Then you must take the chance.

I take a deep breath.

"Okay, the thing is that I'm sort of...gay." I may have said it a little fast, but Jack understands that it isn't something I would like to repeat. But I hate that it is this way. "That's great. It's nothing you should hide. I'm glad you told me, it shows me that you see me as trustworthy person and I appreciate it". I sigh with relief and he puts his hand around my shoulder and hug it tight.

"Thank you" I say and smile. A real, honest, smile. I haven't smiled like that since I left Denise.

It's good to finally be able to do it.