Kissing Her

19: Why am I doing this?

Megan's P.O.V.:

A/N
Yes, you read right, there's nothing wrong with your eyes. Now, where was I? Yes...

Megan's P.O.V.:

The house is crowded like everytime I throw a party. At least half of these people are complete strangers to me, but now and then I reckognize them as people I see in the hallway at school. They are the type of people who always look at me with a kind of dreamy glaze when I walk past them. It almost makes me sick like, I'm not that pretty for fuck sake! But in their tiny world as unpopular nerds I am the defintion of unachievable with a big UN.

Stop it Meagan. This is not the person you are. I think. At least it's just the popular bitch you pretend to be in front of everybody else.

"Oh, there you are Meg!" Sarah yells across the coffee table. I must have lost them when I was to bussy whatching the crowd of people filling my house. "Hey, thought we lost ya there" Taylor smiles. "No, standing in the exact same spot as yesterday" I say jokingly. They laugh a little.

"Enjoying your party? Cause I certanly do" a much darker voice reaches my ears and I turn around to see the school's football captain and my best friend, Ethan standing in front of me. "Oh, you finally came!" I say and throw myself around his neck. "Yes, ofc. I wouldn't miss the opportunity to see my favourite person all dressed up" he says with a smile and give me a light kiss on my cheek. "Ey, you. Remember were not supposed to be dating anymore." I back off. For a moment Ethan lets his true feelings show off before he quickly puts on a too-fake-to-be-true smile and turns to face Sarah or Taylor or anyone that isn't me.

"I'm just getting some more punch. Anyone else who wants?". "Could you get me a cup or two?" Steven who must have magically appeared when I didn't see it, gives me a smirk. "Or two? What that supposed to mean?" I say and laugh. "No, Mr. I'm-gonna-get-drunk-and-laid-tonight, I'm not gonna be the one responsible for your tragic, drunk death. Thats only one cup from me. Period" I say and Steven pretend to be hurt. Which he completely screws up.

At the punch table in the kitchen I'm finally alone again and have time to think through things. Ethan, who clearly still wants to date me and Steven who's been taking our break-up a bit too well for my taste. If you've ever wondered, here's to sort you out: I've basically dated the whole football team (Steven is quarter back)....except for Martin Hayes. But he doesn't counts. He's just the mascot.

Inside my head it's a mess. What I had with Ethan was nice at first but then everything we did just turned into something fake and awkward. Steven was great to, but it ended the same way as it did with Ethan. Maybe I should go back to Marcus? Or Chris? Oh, for fuck sake pull yourself together Megan! Do you really need to be dating someone at the time? Don't you dare to be single for at least a week?

I try to force the voice out of my head but it doesn't work. As I stand there I feel helpless, nothing more than a fake plastic version of myself. Don't even my friends know the real me. No one knows. Maybe not even myself. But no one has to know anyway. I can see the reflection of myself in the shiny table surface and I take a deep breath in and out. Keep the wall up. Don't let it break. I tell myself. Cause then drama is on it's way, that's for sure. Just when you, for once, got rid of it dare to have some fun.

Just when I'm about to fill up a punch glass, a girl I know all too well is walking towards the table and takes a seat at one of the black bar chairs across me.

Kristy.

Instinctively, I feel like I need to defend myself. I look around the room and find it empty. Good. No one needs to see me talking to her. Not after what Sarah wrote on the mirror with my lipstick. But ofc everybody thought it was me. I still have to play like it was.

"What do you think you are doing here? I didn't invite you" I try to seem as disgusted as possible. Kristy's face looks like she's thinks through what I just said, but I don't give her time to answer before I add. "and I think I made it very clear that I don't wanna see you anymore last time we met." This makes her turn to face me but she changes her mind and looks down at her lap again.

When she finally speaks she is carefull with her words. "I didn't know it was you who threw the party, I only heard about it yesterday". She sounds convincing, but I'm still unsure. Maybe she really tells you the truth? The voice inside my head replies. Or maybe it's just an excuse to talk to you again. I answer my thoughts.

It doesn't seem like Kristy is going to say anything else so I continue with a harsh tone in my voice."Don't you remember my house? It was where you said-" I stop my words at once. Why did you say that?! I think about my sister and what I did to Kristy and have to bite my lip not to let my feelings show. "just go, okay? I don't want you here" I say instead and I can hear how my voice is cracking. Byt I try to sound angry so Kristy won't notice.

But ofc, Kristy won't give up that easy. I'm just about to go -forget the fucking punch, I'll just drink some water, when Kristy grabs my left arm." Please can't you give me a second chance? I promise, we could be nothing more than friends and no one at school needs to know, kay?" She pauses and looks me in the eye. "Please, I'm so sorry for what I did. You have to forgive me." I can see her real feelings floating to the surface. She really means this. The last thing she says is:

"I only want to know the real you"

The next minuites is just a totally fast forward mess. She wants to know the real me? She has seen through me. No, how could she? She has definately seen through me. No she couldn't. No way.

I can't take this anymore and I leave Kristy alone in the kitchen. Alone, in the middle of nothing but her own mess.

A/N

Dunno what happened there, but suddenly I got so excited abt dis book dat I had 2 write another pt. 4 u guys!! Hope u liked it <3 <3

QOTC (question of the chapter): which music do u listen too?

AOTC: I listen 2 punk. Alot (Tonight Alive, 5sos, Fall Out Boy, Green day n Blink 182, ONE OK ROCK, anyone? :D:D).
I also listen 2 pop, film music and classical (but not as much as punk. Nevah ;))

U know I just luuuuvvv ur comments and votes. Dey make mah day :D ;) ^*^

See ya <3 <3

Me