Kissing Her

22: didn't think it would end this way...

22 is my lucky number. This chapter has to be great :D :D

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What. The. Fuck. Just. Happened??

It's been a couple of days since me and Denise fought, and this is like the 1000nd time I'm asking myself that question. Now I finally have time to actually think through what just happened, what I've just said and the situation I've stupidly enough put myself in.

Cause I'm not angry or sad or anything. But more than anything, annoyed. But not at Denise as you might expect by this time. No, I'm annoyed at myself for acting like a ditcher while that's not who I am at all. I'm just not used to having that many friends. When me and Denise where a couple, it was just us. She was my only friend and the only one who actually cared about what I said and did. But now everyone is and I'm honestly not used to it.

I wanna tell people. Appologize. But for whatever reason I just can't make myself do it. It's like they don't deserve it, even though they do. And if I wait any longer and come too late, they might nevet accept it. And then I just went from one friend to many and ended up with zero.

Suddenly my phone rings. And it does that for just 5 seconds before going silent again and it makes me at least 10 times more curious to check who it is. Like, who wanna call me? After everything I've done? My mind goes wild when I see the name on the screen.

It's Denise.

Another 20 minuites pass before anyone calls again and I begin to think she's just dialed the wrong number or something, when my phone makes it's usual buzzing noise.

"You think I dialed the wrong number, didn't you?" Is the first thing she says just like everything was back to old times and I-can-read-your-mind-jokes. I make a short giggle and let out a "yes, actually". I don't know wether she intended to make the tension between us lighter or just make it akward. Either way, the line goes silent and I can't see her face on the other side (A/N: Hello by Adele, anyone?:D).

Suddenly she says something again. "There's something I need to tell you". "Yes, I have something to tell you too. Can I get over to your aunts place?". "Kristy, the thing is... I'm going to the airport in an hour. We have to make it over the phone". I take a deep breath. Okay, appologizing over the phone here we go. I did not picture it would happen this way. I barely pictured it happening at all. "I'm so sorry, Denise. I was the worst girlfriend you could ever wish for. I should have told you earlier. Again...I'm so sorry". 

It takes a while before she says anything. "I forgive you. It is what I called to tell you, " she takes a deep breath out of nervousness and continues. "love can be, and is, a monster sometimes. The one you love doesn't necessarilly reciprocate the feelings. Sometimes it can feel like love stabs you in the chest with a knife -or worse, shoots you in the heart with a gun, without you dying, just living with the pain." Her words hurt like hell. I feel so lucky she forgave me, but I don't feel like my appology was enough. She deserves so much better than me. 

Now it hits me like a freaking space ship falling down from the moon. All this time I've been thinking about how I'm in love with exactly Megan and how Denise couldn't know about it. Not the actual fact that I'm over Denise. Yes, I know I'm over her, but she was my first actual love and thinking about it make it hurt.

Denise realises that I need some time to let the words sink inn, so she pauses for a single moment. "I have to accept that you have moved on." is the next words she lets out. "And it's not your fault at all, you just go after what your heart feel. And your heart found something else than me, and I have to deal with it. It's better to be together with someone who loves me back. And it's better to miss someone who misses me just as much." 

More than anything I wish I was with Denise right now. So I could give her a thight hug as a final goodbye. Cause right now I don't feel like words is enough. Like whatever I say it won't emphasise my feelings as I want it too. It won't replace a hug. But I go on.

"I'm so sorry Denise. I never intended it to end like this between us. I'm so sorry". I sigh, I feel awfull but relieved. At least we got to appologize properly to each other before going different ways. We didn't end it with a fight as I thought we would. But what she says before she hangs up, takes me by surprise, as well as melting my heart. 

"but go for Megan if you are sure she is what you want. She must be good after all, as she managed to steal such a beautiful persons heart. I will always love you Kristy, but I have to say goodbye for now" 

And then the line goes silent. 

A/N

No A/N needed for this chapter. 

Love you lots for still reading this book. 3,8 K readers now. Never thought it would happen. 

Again, love you loads, 

Me