Kissing Her

29: Before

Please take a moment to listen to the song, it helps setting the mood for the chapter O_O (sorry this link hasn't been here earlier but added it on my clmputer but for some reason it wouldn't show work (on my phone now)).

Me <3

***

I slowly open my eyes and it takes a while before they've fully ajusted to the lightning. I'm lying in a bed in a room by myself.

I begin to get a feeling of where I am: The hospital?

I can sense this urge of pain in the area around my left cheek and eye and it hurts in my head.

Why am I here? Was part in an accident?

I startle when I see Megan sitting in the chair beside me. "it's fine, I told them I'm your sister" she mumbles as an answer, her voice, rusty. Megans knuckles are dark blue and her mascara is dried in stripes down her cheeks, like she has been crying. She has a big dark circle on her left shoulder witch it seems like she tries to hide. She acts so weird and painfull, I'm close to hugging her out of true pitty. I take a deep breath and go straight to the point. "do you know what happened to me?".

She looks down in her lap, and I begin to think I've already got it figured out: Megan hit me. I wasn't in any accident, she hit me. She uncomfortably shifts her position in the chair as a confirmation. "I'm so sorry, I just..." She trails off. "Why?" I ask, more insisting than I was intending to. Was. Right now I don't care about her being.

She has been a piss-off at me ever since the beginning. I have tried to get to know her, and she has pushed me away. And now she just appear out of nowhere, after I'm done with all my drama, and knock me down, seemingly without a reason. It's not like I'm the slightest mad at her. No, why would I have the reason to be?

"ehm... you see...the thing is...". "Why did you hit me?" I ask again, harsher. I want an answer. "I'm gonna tell you... I just". " 'just' what?". "I came out to my parents two weeks ago. I told them I'm gay". She looks down as fast as the words slip from her mouth. Like she has just fired her first shot with a gun, and don't want to look up and see if it hit me or not.

There's this thickening silence in like two seconds or so, before Megan starts speaking again. Just like she's afraid I'm gonna yell at her every moment she doesn't fill the silence. "My dad he... when he found out, he... went crazy". She looks at her finger nails, which she has been fiddled with while speaking. But she doesn't stop and when she looks up again she is more determinded in her voice. "He began hitting me. He said he was going to beat the ilussions of me".

That's when she stands up from the chair and takes of her sweater. Underneath it she has a Calvin Klein sports bra, but that's not what I'm looking at. There is blue marks all over her body. Her arms are the most covered, but also on her stomach , I can see them. They have the exact size of a foot, I think and shiver shoots through my body.

Megan puts on her sweater again. This time there is a longer silence as I whatch her sit down in the chair again. I've completely stopped speaking. It looks like it hurts everwhere, but she finally manages. "I know that this is no good reason to do the same to you. It's no reason at all. But..." she looks straight at me. "You were the one that made me realize I was gay. When I fell in love with a girl it had to mean something. So when my dad hit me, my mind panicked and blamed you. And by time, as dad hitting me became regular thing, it felt good to have something -someone to blame it all on.

After about half a week I started believing that you were actually the one to cause all of this. If you hadn't moved here and fallen for me, I would never realize I was gay and my dad would never hit me. And then came the day my dad threw me out. The day when my anger became too much. The previous days I had been avoiding school, trying to kill time in the city. I would return home when the school day would normally end with exuses like 'no, we had to stay a little longer, the teacher wanted us to do something extra'. I just wanted to stay away as long as I could to avoid it. But this day I understood that I wouldn't have somewhere to go back too when school normally ended. So, the only place I could think of, where I had people that cared for me, left, was the school".

She takes a sip from a glass of water. "Then, when I was at school, I realized that you where there too. I feel like I'm blaming a lot of this on my mental health and my mind and that it wasn't the real me thinking all of these thoughts. It wasn't the real me, my mind is still in this panicked state of being. But it's no excuse. I'm still the one that let these thoughts take so much control of me, that they wanted to hurt you. All that where left in my head when I hit you, was how..."

"....how much you deserved it". And then she lets the mask fall. "I don't mean it Kristy! You haven't deserved anything of this. And just because my dad hit me, it gave me no reason to hit you. Oh I was the one to know how it felt being hit and then just a week later I am the one that-!".

I open my arms. And when her body touches mine, I pull her up into the bed with me.