Holding On To You//Joshler

Chapter 10

♪Tyler♪

I'd never shared a pizza before, I didn't know what topping was safe to suggest but I didn't want to just sit back and say nothing like I had been doing. Margherita was the safe but boring option and meat feast might have been overkill. Come to think about it I was probably overthinking this all, it was only a pizza topping after all.

"Do you want to go half and half?" Josh suggested, saving me from even more embarrassment.

"Yeah OK" I said coolly, I pretended to browse through the options but I only ever ordered pepperoni.

"OK I'll have the pepperoni! You're not vegetarian right I can order something else if you don't want the meat to touch your half?"Josh looked at me in a wide eyed considerate fashion, he was pulling the people pleasing card again but it wasn't particularly annoying. 

"No I'm not" it came out harsh but I was a little panicky. I couldn't just order pepperoni Josh would think I was weird for copying him, "I think I'll have the um," my mind was racing and my eyes were darting up and down the menu, I knew both Kimya and Josh were waiting,"the mushrooms!" I fumbled out a laugh, "Yeah I'll just have the mushrooms!"

"You seem a little excited about mushrooms hm?"

"Yeah I love them!" I gritted my teeth as I realised my face would soon match the redness of the pizzerias' walls. I hated mushrooms,  but I'd rather eat something disgusting than have to correct myself.

Kimya glared at the pair of us, her eyes were swarming with judgement, "OK I'm guessing you want the large pizza for the discount?"

Me and Josh nodded in sync, "OK so that's half mushroom, half pepperoni?"

I gulped harshly and forced myself to nod again, "Right, your pizza should be about 15 minutes, if you need a refill shout me over I'll be floating around" she smiled graciously and then seeminglessly disappeared into the kitchens.

"Are you OK Ty?"

My head shot up, "Who said you could call me that?" my moods were becoming exhausting.

"You don't seem OK Tyler"

"I'm fine, thanks for asking" I really needed to work on not being so blunt, but I didn't want to have to ask for help, "So, why did you move schools?" I didn't intend on being so intrusive, I just don't know what the lines are and when I've crossed them.

"Well I don't think it would make good dinner time conversation" Josh took his hair and twirled it softly with his fingers.

"Oh ok" I sighed, I didn't know what else to talk about but I didn't want to make Josh feel more uncomfortable.

"Aren't you going to force it out of me?"

I laughed softly "I don't intend to come across as a horrible person you know"

"You don't" Josh winked and shot me a cheeky grin, "Well only a little bit horrible!"

"Hey!" I shouted playfully, "But honestly," I immediately regretted using a more serious tone,"If I'm ever in the wrong you'd tell me right?"

Josh's eyes widened with what I'm guessing was surprise, "You would say hm?" I asked again, trying to tease him further.

"Y-y-yea I would Ty, sorry I mean Tyler, but I'm sure I wouldn't have to!" Josh stuttered awkwardly, he'd lost what ever confidence he had.

"I was only joking, you can call me Ty. And good, I don't want to be a jerk to you, I don't want you to leave another school I guess"

"Thank you, you don't know how much that means right now"

I was the one trying to make Josh nervous, but the sincerity of his tone scared me. He was taking my words to heart and that made me uncomfortable, I know he didn't mean it to feel like that but I now felt like I was actually responsible for his wellbeing. I guess I'd promised to help him out, and I was suddenly aware that I didn't know how to.

"Sooooooo" I purposefully dragged out my o's with the intention that Josh would interrupt me, because frankly I had nothing to say.

Josh's phone beeped and I muttered a prayer under my breath, "That's Helen," he squeaked as his voice continued to break.

"Did she get the job already?" I said, with genuine concern in my voice. Well, I tried to sound concerned but it probably came across as rude again.

"She didn't say, but she's never not got the job" Josh didn't raise his head from his screen.

"Oh, so what did you say?"

"A little intrusive there Ty" I mentally punched myself out of regret until I saw that Josh was smiling wildly. It felt good to see things were now I guess, at ease? "But no, she just said that she's on her way soon, you don't mind her coming right?"

Josh said we came here because he felt bad about making me go out with him and Helen.

"I guess not" I shrugged, jealousy lingered in my tone.

"I can ask her to meet us later, I'm sure she can just browse somewhere, she likes shopping so its not that cruel" Josh ended his sentence with a nervous giggle but my mood swings were back again and I couldn't control them.

"It's OK" I snapped.

"I feel bad now" Josh whimpered as he looked at me with his doe eyes.

"Don't" I retorted, I could feel the poison roll off my tongue.

His phone beeped again, I could feel my fists subconsciously tighten into a fist.

"She said she wont be long" Josh was speaking so quietly he was almost whispering.

We both awkwardly twiddled our thumbs for the next five minutes,  when I heard the kitchen door spring open I prayed that it had done so sooner.

"Why so glum?" Kimya teased, her voice was so lively the words literally rolled off of her tongue.

"I'm just hungry" Josh replied kindly, "UGh that smells so good" he groaned as he made room for the pizza on the table. As the waitress placed the pizza on the table she span it around so that the mushrooms were facing me, I'd forgotten the mistake I'd made. We both smiled politely as Kimya once again disappeared.

I tried to stomach the mushrooms, but the rubbery texture made me feel sick. Hiding my discontent obviously didn't work because Josh awkwardly held out a slice of his pizza,

"You can have some of mine if you like"

"Do you mind?"

"It's the least I can do" Josh smiled as he passed me a slice of peperoni from across the table. I was too hungry to fight about it.