Holding On To You//Joshler

Chapter 20

AN// I'm really excited to write but idk I need motivation and validation A LOT ok I'm a needy shit fight me, please comment what you think? I don't even care if its critique I just need to feel like I'm not alone with this??

✾Josh✾

From what I could gather I was back in Ty's room, I could remember the veil of lavender that was present in his room. Tyler was lying on his beanbag at the other side of the room, luckily he was not in his polo shirt. He'd changed into a faded graphic tee that used to have BoJack Horseman on the front of it, it was cute to think that he liked cartoons, even if they were adult themed ones. The bed felt empty somehow, even though I was fully used to sleeping alone I'd never felt so cold.

"Tyler," I groaned, sleep choking me as I tried to speak clearly. His head shot right up from his resting position.

"Are you ok? Are you gonna be sick again?" he swiftly tiptoed over to the bedside, panic swimming in his eyes. I started to heave again and he grabbed the bin from the corner of his room. Tyler rubbed my back to make sure everything was out, I was so frustrated with myself for letting it get this far.

"Thanks," I said as I coolly tried to wipe my mouth. "I didn't actually wanna do that"

"Are you sure? Did you bring me over to ruin another shirt of mine?"

I chuckled softly but it probably came out as low croaks.

"I want you to sleep with me Ty"

"I'm not letting you get all emotional, you're drunk just sleep it off"

"I-I-its not that Ty"

His ears perked up, "What is it then?"

"I'm too scared to sleep alone"

"I'm only over here Josh, nothings gonna happen"

"Ty, I lied to you" my lips started to tremble softly, I hated not being in control.

"I'm sure you didn't lie Josh, can we talk in the morning when you've got over these mood swings? They're exhausting"

"Please hear me out," I whimpered, a glaze covering my eyes. "I lied to myself and I lied to you when I said I could handle tonight"

"How so Josh?" I could feel my heart beating at a much faster pace.

"I don't know how to say this, I don't say this to anyone"

Tyler grabbed my sweaty palm, "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. Just don't say anything you'll regret in the morning"

"My dad he," I paused, taking in the fact that Ty was sat listening to me attentively, "He doesn't let me drink because," at this point in time my speech was sounding more like ghosts of words that had once been.

"Because what Josh?" Ty squeezed my hand even harder in what I presumed was anger.

"I've been hospitalised for heavy drinking before-"

Tyler raised his hands and sunk his face into them, "Why didn't you tell me Josh? Why didn't you say?"

"Are you mad with me?"

"No"

"You sound mad"

"I'm not, I'm more worried than anything, why did you do it? I mean are you stable?"

"I'm okay now, I just didn't want to tell you in case you thought I was weird and treated me differently. I'm not as fragile as I seem"

Tyler pulled the covers back and crawled in bed alongside me, "I'd never think you were weird Josh, who am I to judge?"

"I just don't want to choke in my sleep or something I don't know, I just felt scared"

"I don't know how to handle upset people" Tyler cooed softly as he took my body and cradled it in his arms, I let my head melt into his chest. The scent of lavender was so strong now. "I guess I'm here now, you don't have to worry"

"Ty?" I tilted my head so that I was looking directly up at Tyler.

"Josh?" he said in a gentle tone.

"I don't think I'm going to remember any of this tomorrow you know"

"Why do you think I'm being so nice?" he laughed wickedly but kindly somehow, Ty turned his back around and I was left feeling alone once again.

"Tyler" I groaned grumpily.

"What now?" he snapped comically, "I feel like I'm babysitting a toddler"

"Can you turn back around? I feel lonely"

"I'm literally 5 centimetres away"

"Yeah I know but," Tyler jerked his body around swiftly so that we were facing each other once again.

"Happy now?"

I nodded excitedly before closing my eyes. Straight after closing them I was out like a light.

♪Tyler♪

Josh's blue hair was reaching out in every direction, like little shoots reaching for the sunlight.  It saddened me a little to think that he didn't tell me about his problems. We hadn't been the best of friends for a while but I would have liked to think he would have warned be about something so serious. It made me think, what other major problems could he be hiding?

Seeing him so innocent and taken by sleep it was weird to think that he could be dreaming about something dark and horrifying. If I could, I would have entered his mind and erased all the bad thoughts that were plaguing him.

Rays of light had started to seep through my blinds, they contrasted heavily against the dark décor of my room. I poked Josh's chubby cheek but he didn't even budge. Personally, I had no knowledge about hangovers, but judging from my siblings alcohol tolerance I knew Josh would not be in the mood to talk for most of the day.

Leaving him to sleep his problems away I slipped downstairs, it was given that my mom would be in the kitchen, sipping her daily coffee ready to hear the gory details of the night.

"Morning sunshine" she beamed from the bar stool that could rotate. When ever she was bumped up by caffeine she'd sway the chair from left to right like it was routine.

"Morning" I mumbled, running my hands through my already messy hair.

"How was it then?" she sipped her coffee and put it down on the counter, she was a fool to think that I'd actually tell her how things happened.

"It just was a normal party, there's nothing to tell"

"That sounds very suspicious Tyler"

"I stayed sober all night to look after Josh and that didn't work out"

"I'm sure you tried your best, god Ty you sound like a grandpa I cant believe you didn't drink!"

"Mom!" I gasped, "You're meant to condone underage drinking!

"Everyone does it Ty"

"Everyone except from me mom"

The awkward conversation was somewhat saved when we heard a loud crash from upstairs. Shit, I whispered under my breath, I probably shouldn't have left Josh alone.

"Tyler!" he shouted out of sheer panic, "Tyler?"

I fumbled my way up the stairs, "Calm down Josh I went to get us coffee"

He'd rolled out of bed and was sat rubbing at the red mark on his forehead.

"This is literally babysitting, you owe me"