Holding On To You//Joshler

Chapter 21

AN// I shit I really need to work on my priorities idk I feel like if I don't regularly updated you will all lose interest in this fic but I have school to revise for/ procrastinate revision??? Sorry again for my irregular updates!// I might start adding random songs with each chapter idk why - this chapters song is Girl by Moose Blood I AM OBSSESSED

✾Josh✾

I tried to find the remote to my mind but the static fuzz of the screen was too loud to think straight. Light was pouring in at me from every angle but somehow the room still seemed dark. However, I could just make out that Tyler was stood there with two mugs of coffee in his hands and a look of amusement on his face. Fighting the embarrassment, I leaned over to grab the ends of the duvet. Immediately, Tyler placed the mugs on the side table and ran over to support me, he'd spilt coffee all over his carpet.

"I'm fine" I snapped as I forced his hands away from my waist.

"You don't look it" Tyler murmured as he awkwardly rubbed at the coffee stain on his joggers.

"The carpets stained now I bet"

"You know what" Tyler retorted in a harsh tone, I jumped internally. "I don't even want to talk to you if you're going to be rude, sober up and then come find me"

On the way out he slammed the door; my body quivered in the realisation that I'd somehow hurt Tyler. I didn't realise how easy it was to trigger him. I felt bad. I didn't want Ty feeling bad because of me. But then again, what had I done? Sure, I was being a little moody but who isn't when they're majorly hung over? Maybe Tyler didn't have the capacity to understand that. Or maybe I'd done something else last night, I could have done anything, I didn't remember a thing. I didn't even remember getting into Tyler's bed in the first place.

After hearing Tyler abruptly stomp down the staircase I knew I was fully alone; I wrapped myself tightly in his sheets, it almost felt like Tyler himself was holding me close.  I went from imagining Tyler's warmth, to imagining me hitting myself. I needed to stop dreaming about Ty, he couldn't know that I sort of liked him a lot more than he liked me. It would ruin everything, I would ruin everything. I liked our friendship the way it was, I just liked being in Tyler's company, the thought of making him uncomfortable saddened me. I knew he could only just handle me as a friend, so anything more would just drain him.  Tyler was already reasonably drained.

Tyler couldn't have been too upset with me, I was desperately trying to reassure myself that he didn't hate me. He could have sent me home to my Dad, who would have been able to sense last night's drink on me straight away. But no, he didn't send me home, he trapped me in his own room. Tyler wasn't very good at being mean. I got the comfort of his bed, and he got to spend time with his mother, who I know probably has a lot of questions on the topic of me.

The peace was broken when my phone violently shook on the table. I smiled a little, maybe Tyler had texted me asking if I was okay.

Unknown number: I bet you don't even know what you did last night. You disgust me, you faggot.

I tried to call out for Tyler, but my lips were glued tightly together. I knew something had happened last night, I just did not know the severity of it. I forced my shaking hand to hold the phone,

Me: Who are you?

Unknown number: Hint you tried to have sex with somebody in my bed. You're so fucking disgusting. Who the fuck would even do that? I knew you were homo. I just thought you at least had the decency to not do it in my bed.

Brendon.  I needed to ask Ty about last night. I knew I could not trust Brendon, but I didn't want to embarrass myself further in front of Tyler; I didn't want him to think that I would have sex with anyone if I'd had the right amount of drink.  The fact that I couldn't remember if I'd tried to have sex with him didn't really show me in a positive light. I would also effectively be telling him that the thought of me having sex with him wasn't repulsive, in fact I'd sort of be saying that I did in fact want to date him, or at least just have sex.

Brendon:  ???????

Brendon: You cant ignore me

Brendon: You better reply

Brendon: You think you're better than me huh???

Brendon: You're the whore who tried to get it on with an easy target

Brendon: I cant believe you tried to do that to Tyler,  little innocent Tyler, I thought you were friends

Brendon: You're taking advantage of him, I know it. That's so fucking disgusting

Brendon: He's not even gay, you shouldn't talk to him, wouldn't want him to become like you would we?

Brendon: You need to leave him alone

Brendon: Fucking reply now scum

I tried to tap the keypad but the water on it was preventing me from doing so. I felt so fucking lame, letting someone like Brendon get to me, letting Brendon make me cry like a child. I knew he was probably lying, but the fact that I could have taken advantage of Tyler scared me so much. I'd been a horrible friend, my crawling skin kind of confirmed the fact that I'd done something wrong.

Me: How did you know this??

Brendon: I walked in on the two of you, you were straddling Tyler but he was squirming. You wouldn't let him go.

Me: Nothing else happened right..?

Brendon: I kicked you both out, I don't want any gay shit happening in my room

Me: I think I'm sorry Brendon

Brendon: You THINK you are?

Me: I mean for using your bed, I was drunk

Brendon: So was everyone else, but we weren't trying to get into someone's pants who probably would have been too awkward to make you stop

I gulped, Tyler probably would have felt too awkward to tell me no. In a funny sort of way I was glad that Brendon had caught me. My body continued to tremble, I had to fight the urge to sob loudly, I did not want to face Tyler if I had tried to do anything.

Brendon:  Are you still there?

Me: Yes

Brendon: Josh you need to leave Tyler alone. What if next time I'm not there to stop you.

Me: There wont be a next time

Brendon: I wont ask nicely again, stay the fuck away

It puzzled me, to see how protective Brendon was being, after all Tyler hated everything about him.

Me: Why are you being so protective?

Brendon: Are you trying to suggest I have a thing for Tyler. I'm not fucking gay, what the fuck????  The thought of it repulses me. I just don't want you hurting him, that's my thing. I'm the only one who can hurt Tyler.

Me: ???

Brendon: I dont have to explain anything to you, fucking fag what the fuck.

Me: Whatever Brendon, you're just mad at yourself because you're gay, don't take that out on me

Brendon: You're gonna regret that

Brendon: You're gonna regret that so fucking much

Brendon didn't reply. Maybe I shouldn't have been so rude...