Remember

Chapter 19: Forgiveness...

Later that night, a little after midnight, I stood by the same waterfall where I had given Janus a second chance. Yet now I wasn't sure if I could trust him. Not now when I had the weight of a prophecy resting on my shoulders.

I shook my head. Now wasn't the time to be thinking about mates or love. Now was the time to focus on how I was going to save my species.

I let out a soft chuckle. I had no idea how I was going to do that, run a pack, regain my memories, figure out what the rogues and Hunters were doing, take care of my mate problem, and fix this pack.

The crunch of footsteps snapped me out of my thoughts. I stiffened as I recognized them, refusing to turn around as they drew closer before stopping directly to my side.

The owner of the footsteps let out a heavy breath before beginning to speak. "What did I do? Why are you punishing me like this?"

I turned away, I didn't have time for this tight now. There were too many things to do, too much to think about. "Not now Janus," I said, shaking my head as I started walking away.

In a split second, my back was against a rock with Janus's hands on the rock on either side of my face. His face inches away from mine, his warm breath fanning out across my face.

My thoughts raced to the many times when I had been put into this position in the past, and none of the good. My beast let out a warning growl. Shock flashed across Janus's face at my reaction and he took a step back.

I took advantage of his step back to move away from the rock. "You really shouldn't do that," I said, my voice was low.

Janus ran a hand through his hair, messing it up and causing the normally in place hair to stand up on end. "How am I supposed to know this? How am I supposed to be who you want me to be when you never talk to me? Ever since you got here you are running off here and there, and now you and that Brandon are inseparable."

"Bryce," I mumbled, but Janus's heightened hearing picked up on it and had him staring at me.

"What's with it with the two of you anyway? Friends with benefits?" He shot back at me, an inferno burning in his eyes.

"Don't you dare speak about him like that!" I matched his tone, a fire ignited within me. Who was he to insult my pack?

"Well then, you wouldn't mind telling me who he is to you then, would you?" I heard the challenge in his voice, further rousing my beast.

"Who are you to ask that of me?" I growled, taking a threatening step towards him.

"Well if you have nothing to hide then why are you being so evasive?" He matched my snarl and took a step forward to me as well.

"If you must know; he's my Beta, my best friend, practically my brother," A small thought entered my head and before I could think it through I was already saying it. "And my first kiss."

At my words I watched his eyes shatter, showing the beast within. His voice deepened, full of the pain that my statement had just caused him. "Why? Why do you do this to me?" He shook his head at me.

I shrugged. "It was either him or every other male in the pack vying for it." My taunting tone was gone, the pain in his voice had stirred something inside of me.

"And that's supposed to make me feel better?" His beast was still in control and took another step towards me. Tilting his head as he did. "My mate, kissing other men." His lips curled in disgust.

My beast rose up, but I kept it tamed down, below the surface but ready to explode. "Hypocrite." I seethed. "And how many people have you been 'intimate' with?" I asked taking a step towards him.

Janus's beast smirked, "Jealous much?" He asked.

"No, proving a point." I snapped at him.

His eyes were flaming, burning into me. "Don't you understand?" He asked me, shaking his head. "Every part of me, every instinct is screaming at me to protect you."

"I don't need your protection!" I snapped.

He held up his hand. "Just let me, please."

I nodded, letting him speak, it was the easiest way to get out of here.

He took a deep breath before continuing. "I know that you don't think that you need protecting, but if I have learned anything about you, it's that you put everyone else first and leave yourself to accept the consequences, no matter what the cost." He continued to stare at me, never flinching.

"I don't blame you if you don't want me." He whispered. "I couldn't stop my father from using the Hunter's serum on you or from forcing you to shift. I wasn't there to protect you from your attacker or stop the Hunters from taking you or any of the other horrible things from your past."

The pain in his voice was evident. I felt it stir my beast, the pain that I always tried to prevent or stop in others. My thoughts raced as I had to reorganize everything that I thought I knew about Janus.

"If you don't want me, I understand." His voice barely above a whisper as he finally broke eye contact. He cast his down to the ground.

I finally understood. He stood in the same position that I had stood in so many years ago when my Uncle had taken power, only he hadn't had the support and help that I did to undermine him.

I didn't understand how long I had been silent until Janus let out a sigh. His head cast down. "I understand." He said, never looking at me.

"I don't think that you do," I whispered to him.

He lifted up his head, his face filled with hesitant hope. I gave him a soft smile and saw the hesitation fall away. I saw the gold flecks that filled his eyes begin to twinkle.

Slowly he studied my face as if I was a wild animal, and if he were to make a sudden move I would bolt. Only inches separated us when he stopped.

So much flowed between us as we stood so very close but never touching. His eyes shown with emotion as they held my own. He raised his hands but dropped them back at his side.

"Can I..." His voice dropped off.

"You may," I whispered and closed the last of the distance between us.

Softly I pressed my lips against his. In a few seconds, his hands cupped my face and rested on my hip, holding me close to him while my own were wrapped around his neck.

What started slow and soft deepened with each passing second as we felt the connection between us strengthen. When we finally broke apart we were breathing heavily, our faces flushed, and our bodies pressed together.

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