Remember

Chapter 21: ...At A Price

I felt sleep cling to me. Sunlight peeked through the windows, rousing me from my slumber. I rolled over, desperate to continue the most peaceful sleep that I had had in a very long time.

I stiffened as I felt an arm wrapped around my waist, my head resting on a warm chest.

I was out of bed in a few seconds flat. My head was racing as I tried to process what had happened.

Janus stood and walked towards me. "Asteria," He said, "It's all right."

"What are you doing here?" I shot at him, unable to understand how he had gotten in without my knowledge.

Janus looked confused. "Asteria, you had a nightmare. You asked me to stay." He told me.

I shook my head. "No!" I ran my hand through my hair, wondering what had happened while I was asleep. "No, I did not!"

The door was shoved open, revealing a worried looking Bryce. "What's wrong?" He asked, worry written across his face.

Janus and I answered simultaneously.

"She doesn't remember last night!"

"What is he doing in my room!?!"

Bryce's eyes raced back and forth between us.

"Asteria!" He yelled. "What is the last thing that you remember about last night?" He commanded me.

I racked my brain for the answer. "I talked to Avia, you walked me back to my room, and then I went to sleep. That was around midnight." I finally answered.

Bryce nodded at me, his face a mask. Janus; however, didn't have one.

"No." He whispered, "It cannot be." A silent. A tear rolled down his face, silently.

Bryce assessed the situation, my confusion, Janus's sorrow. "Janus." He said. "With me."

Bryce nodded at me before walking out of the door, Janus in tow.

I could not understand what was happening. So many things did not make sense. Why Janus had been in my room, why he and Bryce were suddenly best friends, just to name a couple.

I let out a sigh before moving to the door. There was something going on that I didn't know about, and I wanted to find out what.

I pressed my ear against the door and listened.

Janus's voice was the first that I heard. "Why can't she remember what happened last night?"

Bryce let out a breath before replying. "I don't know Janus. It could be residual from the Hunter's poison or the serum you gave her to shift. That would explain the memory loss, but why only that portion of time..."

"Do you think..."

"That she is pretending? No. She genuinely doesn't remember. If she didn't want you there she would have just said so."

"I know, but I would almost rather that to the alternative."

"I get that. Now you are back at square one."

"I feel like it's worse. Did you feel her panic? At least before she was angry at me, now she just doesn't trust me."

"Don't forget, she forgave you once she can do it again."

Janus let out a sigh, "Yeah, but at what cost?"

I turned away from the door, my mind spinning. I slowly padded my way towards the window.

I had forgiven Janus? Why had I done that? He had drugged me, tossed me over a balcony, taken me to his pack, doubted my challenge to Lewis, and forced an empathic connection to me.

My beast chuckled. The first three were not his choice, the next was him trying to protect you, and the last was not intentional.

I shook my head, chuckling, and thinking of the common factor between those events. All of them had hurt me. I didn't enjoy pain, I wasn't some sort of masochist, despite my past history. I had been beaten, abused, tortured, and poisoned more times than I cared to count or remember.

I didn't run headlong into pain, and that was all a relationship with Janus would bring me, pain. Fate had given me a second chance, and now was the time to use it. I had no reason to forgive Janus or pursue a relationship with him.

My beast shuddered as she realized the course that I had decided to undergo. I just had to hope that my Alpha blood was strong enough to hold back the mating bond and the accompanying pain.

The mating bond isn't what everyone believes it to be. It is not something that bonds two people for all of eternity with no other option. It is merely a suggestion, albeit a very strong one, there is no marking or possession of each other. It is just your heightened instincts telling you who could possibly make a good match for you. It was up to you whether you wanted to follow that course or pursue your own option, neither gave you the guarantee of a mate, not that it was often wrong.

I stared out the window, watching as the sun rose higher into the sky and people began to mill about, more freely than whenever I arrived. Janus's father wasn't about to do anything to his pack while there were two Lycans present, one having the backing of an entire pack. My lip curled in disgust, I was going to have to do something about him. I couldn't just leave this pack in the hands of a tyrant. I knew all to well how that worked out.

My beast was restless inside of me, it had been far too long since I had given myself to my primal side, fully. My mind now made up I moved quickly to get ready to head back to the woods that surrounded the center of the pack land.

By the time I made it out to the woods, unseen, the fog had burnt off and the heat of spring was coming. I shed my clothes and then prepared to shift. I brought my beast to the surface before I gave over full control. The shift ripped through me with a swiftness only known to Lycans. My bones snapped and reformed, and in a minute I was standing on four paws as opposed to two feet.

The pain was minimal and energy coursed through my body as my heightened senses took in my surroundings, this time in a new light. I stepped forward, easily and haughtily at first, but I soon moved into a lope, and then a run.

I was free, I let all of my troubles and burdens fall away as I felt the hard ground fly away beneath my paws and the wind ruffle through my fur. I slowed my gait as I approached a lookout, a precipice that looked down onto the center of the pack land.

Looking out on everything that was below me stirred something inside of me, what exactly I had no clue. Yet I let out a deep howl, full of hope and possibility, but also mournful at the burden that was being carried. I howled to the sun, not the moon, as I felt a new era emerging on the horizon.

I made my way back to my clothes, shifted, and made it to the main pack house without a problem. It was the second I stepped inside that my problem soon became apparent.

Standing inside of the door, waiting for me, was Noah, and he was wearing his 'we need to talk' face.

Hello everyone! Sorry for the slight delay in updating, I have been at the PA State 4-H Horse Show all weekend and am just getting home. Nevertheless, I hope that you enjoyed this chapter and please don't forget to vote and comment!