One Less Pretty Gangster

Chapter 7

Janica's POV

I barged into my dad's office.

I never knocked, I never learned how to. Never cared if it was plain rude.

Busy siya nagttype sa laptop niya habang naghihithit ng sigar.

Umupo ako sa upuan sa harapan ng table niya.

Sa corner, sa tabi ng bintana, may bowl ng goldfish, hindi naman masyadong malaki.

Pero hindi isda ang laman, cherry blossoms.

Sabi ko na nga ba eh.

Hindi ko maintindihan si Papa, ayaw na ayaw niya yan dati. kahit gawa sa papel na origami, tinatapon niya at pinapagalitan pa ako dahil duon. 

"You wanted to speak to me?"

hindi parin tumitingin saakin si Papa, parang invisible ako.

I sighed.

Nagtype pa siya for five minutes tapos tinanggal ang reading glasses niya at pinatong ito sa lamesa niya na mahogany.

"I've talked to your adviser awhile ago, and he is not happy with your performance in school, I've heard that you've been skipping school lately,"  

at ngayon lang siya magiging concerned tungkol duon, he tolerated me for the past 5 years and never even showed up during Parents and Teachers Day, or during my Card Day.

"WHY DO YOU CARE?!" naiinis na ako.

I just couldn't take it anymore, I've had a grip of the freedom I deserve and now they're taking it away from me.

"Stop talking to me that way, I'm your father," he tried to calm himself.

Tumahimik nalang ako.

"It's your mother's 13th death anniversary and I still haven't done as I promised her, she knew that you'd end up like me someday,"

I tried to control myself, hindi ko alam na nakatayo na pala ako.

I didn't like the atmosphere in the room.

 I had a feeling that I wouldn't like what else my father had to say to me.

'it's final and decided, you're staying here in this house, you're not boarding in school anymore," he slammed the laptop, he was serious.

"WHAT?!! WHY??!! NOOO!!"

I banged the table with my fist.

Ngayon ako na talaga ang galit na galit.

"Don't question my decisions!" sinigawan na niya ako.

"I despise you!" sabi ko with so much anger. 

*SLAP* 

naramdaman ko yun mabigat na kamay ni Papa sa mukha ko.

That was the first time he hurt me.

Nakakabingi yun sampal niya

. "You listen carefully, young lady! I've had it enough with your rude and sick impolite attitude, it's either magbabago ka or I'll take all your comfort from you," he pointed a finger at me.

I kinda sucked at being strong and tough in front of my dad.

Tumulo luha ko sa sobrang sakit ng pisngi ko.

"It's also decided, tomorrow makilala mo na yun mga personal tutors mo," I had nothing to say anymore, I turned away and left the office.

I heard opera music playing from there, it was my mom's old cassette.

My dad could be really weird. I shook my head, I didn't care, I need some time alone and some sleep. 

I marched up the stairs, to the third floor, my room was near the atique dahil mahilig ako magstar gazing when I was young.

May telescope pa ako sa kwarto. Dati nangarap ako maging isang astrologist or was it called an anstronomer, kaso hindi ko na iniisip yun.

Humiga ako sa kama na matagal ko ng hindi hinihigaan.

Sa guest room sa second floor kasi ako natutulog pag andito ako sa bahay,

I hated this room, until now. I just don't know what made me go here. 

Sa ceiling, may mga glow in the dark stars, sa walls nakalagay yun poster ng solar system, I hated all of it, I want to take them off.

Ang ayaw ko lang kasi dito, bumabalik yun nakaraan, I mean I had flashbacks here.

Yun mama ko, yun mga happy moments na sana nangyari kung hindi lang siya pinatay.

Feeling ko kasi parang pinagkakait ng mundo ang kaligayahan ko.

Pinikit ko nalang ang mata ko at nagwish sa mga fake glow stars,

"sana may miracle na mangyare sa buhay ko,"