One Less Pretty Gangster

Chapter 6

Janica's POV

Tahimik kaming kumakain sa dinner table ni Otou-san.

May sushi, ramen at mga tempura, Japanese dinner pag andito ako sa bahay.

"Kamusta na grades mo?" pag nagtagalog si Papa, it means it's a serious matter or bawal makipagjoke, pero masyado akong badass.

"Konti lang," I smirked.

He banged the table. May habit si Papa na ibagsak ang fist niya sa table pag galit.

"Seryoso ako, Janica, itatanong ko mameya sa adviser mo kung kamusta na ang performance mo sa klase, this time I want you to take things seriously, hindi habang buhay ka magrerely sa kayamanan ko, you have to stand up for yourself," sumubo siya ng isang california maki.

I lay my chopsticks down, nakakawalang gana ang ganitong conversation.

"SINCE WHEN DID YOU ACTUALLY CARE?!" I rolled my eyes.

Umiiral nanaman pagiging bad ass ko, pasagot sagot kay Papa.

"Since I remembered that I promised your mother you wouldn't end up like me, I would probably change my mind kung lalaki ka, but you're a lady, Jan," binaba niya rin ang chopsticks niya.

I hate being looked at as feminine, I was masculine enough, I had short hair, I preferred wearing pants, except to school. I hated being looked at as a woman, I was manly, a lesbian, a tomboy. 

"You know what I am, and you're going to accept that, old man," hindi parin ako tumatayo kahit gusto ko na talaga umalis,

"Jan, I believe magbabago ka pa," hindi talaga magpapatalo si Otou-san. "then I'll leave this house," tumayo na ako. 

My mom died when I was three, she was shot by three men and I witnessed it before my very eyes. the very main reason why my dad formed a mafia here in the Philippines.

Para mapaghiganti si Mama sa karumaldumal na pagpatay sakanya.

This was also the start of the changes in my life.

I was homeschooled during elementary for my own safety, pero pag dating na ng High School, I forced my dad to make me go to school outside, I just wanted a little bit of freedom, and that was where I learned about everything from my new friends.

How to smoke, drink, and to find my true self.

My real indentity.

My dad held on to his handkerchief again, like what he always does pag nag aaway kami.

Naalala ko yun amoy ni Mama sa panyo ni Papa, ito yun panyo na inabot ni Mama kay Papa bago siya namatay.

Kahit gaano pa katagal na yun, I would always remember her smell.

 "Run away, Run away from them," that was her last words to me.

Hindi ko namalayan na tumutulo na pala luha ko.

Before I left I heard my dad say, "Meet me in my office once you're done with whatever business you have to do," 

Sa garden ako nagyosi, duon naman ako palagi tumatambay pag andito ako sa bahay eh.

Malamig kasi ang simoy ng hangin dito pag gabi, kulang lang talaga ang mga cherry blossoms na namimiss ko, dad hates cherry blossoms very much, kaya lahat ng ornaments sa bahay na cherry blosson pinaalis niya.

Kahit yun amoy, ayaw niya, binasag pa nga niya yun perfume ko, dahilan kung bakit lumayas ako sa bahay at nagrebelde, dahil lahat nalang bawal saakin dati. Hindi sila makamove on sa death ni Mom. 

"Come to mama," I remembered her calm voice, my mother had brown hair, that people had mistaken her as a European, pero Filipina talaga siya, a pure Filipina. I inherited her brown hair, pero dahil sa pagiging rebelde ko, I colored it black. 

That December night, may kumatok sa pinto, kaming dalawa lang ni Mama ang naiwan sa bahay, sa lumang apartment namin sa Caloocan bago yumaman ng husto si Papa dito sa Pilipinas.

Nasa trabaho si Papa that night na nangyare lahat dahil busy siya sa trabaho.

Binuksan ni Mama ang pinto, I remembered the terror painted on her face ng tutukan siya ng baril.

Before they shot her, she had the chance to turn around and tell me her last words in Japanese, "run away, run away from them,"

I did run away, I hid under my bed and cried.

It's like all life had no sense to me anymore that I wish I died with mom instead.

I thought of the painful images, my father's terrified face when he finds my mother's dead body on the floor.

I fell asleep dahil sa sobrang pagiisip ko. 

I thought everything was a dream, but it wasn't, nakatulog ako sa ilalim ng kama ko, I wished so hard to God that it was all just a dream.

The cold floor was the first thing my little numb body felt.

Tears streamed down my face but I was still scared to make a sound in fear that someone might find me.

The bed room door flung open, "Janica!" my dad called out.

I slowly crawled out of my bed,

"Otou-san?" I rubbed my eyes and hugged him tight, I felt his tears on my shoulder. 

"Who did it?" my father asked

I couldn't remember their faces, I didn't even know who they were.

"Wa...ka..ra...nai..,"  (I don't know)

I sucked on my thumb. He let me go and then started to break down. Even I cried. 

Until now, the suspects are not yet found, they're still out there, lingering.

Inapakan ko na ang yosi ko.

I've had enough of reminiscing about my past.

I decided to go back inside the house and meet him in his office.

Before I left, something fell on the palm of my hand.

I couldn't be mistaken, cherry blossom siya.

Tumingin ako sa taas, nakabukas bintana ng office ni Papa, It came from there,

I'm pretty sure of it.