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Intro

' No matter how you feel about someone , the feelings will never change . '

When I woke up that Monday morning, I looked down at my arm. I knew what I had done. What I didn't mean to do. What I should not have done. The way he made me feel, made me angry. His eyes, smile, his laugh, I miss him. And now he did this to me. I can't believe it. So now , I feel alone without his warmth. I don't understand how someone could be put through something this hard. When you care about someone as much as I cared about Luke you would understand.

My name is Jessica, but I'd rather be called Jessie. My life isn't horrible. I'm not going to go on and rant about how "my life is terrible ". No, but I don't have it easy either. My mom left right after I was born and I watched my dad die. He was crushed by a semi when he fell off his motorcycle. I was in the car behind them. I have been living with my grandparents for about 2 months now. And when I finally found some thing that makes me happy, it's gone. Luke, told me I was beautiful and said I could trust him. The night of July 17th on a Tuesday, he hit me. In the face more than once. Not twice, but three times he hit me. I did nothing to him. Then he disappeared with two words swirling in my brain, "I'm sorry ". He couldn't be sorry. He left the state. It wasn't until October 4th that I got some closure. He called, and kept repeating over and over "I'm sorry". I felt terrible, but why should I? I did nothing to him. He did this to me. He told me where he was; The juvenile detention center. Then , I dropped to my knees and cried. Like a baby actually. So many questions swirling in my
head that weren't just overwhelming me, they were killing me. We both have no family left other than our grandparents, and they had filed a missing report. I can't tell them I know where he is. I can't and I won't tell he hit me. I just can't. And what do I do next? So I made a choice. And that's when, I grabbed a pocket knife to begin my many years of self harm.

I'm in my third year of cutting and all I can think is ; god, why did I let him ruin my life like this. I'm such an idiot. Why would I let him do this to me ? First, I answer my own question because honestly, I couldn't have done anything about this entire situation. What is there to do? Nothing. I look at Jordan, my best friend, and think why can't I look like her. She's so perfect and has no life problems. But , I'm wrong. She does not have the perfect life and neither do I. Her life is pretty god damn messed up.