Raising Jesse

not enough

When i got home i went right upstairs to my room and floped into bed i remebered i had a shot ton of makeup and my skirt and crop on so i took a shower and slid into my kpop longsleeve and my addidas sweats .

It turned the tv on and went to tmz some chisme would probably make me feel way better .

I snuggled up in my blankets

When they said somthing that made my mouth drop to the floor .

Joel and lucii stageing their happiness

And it was a video of me trying to kiss joel and him dodgeing me then it showed him saying out loud that he wanted space away from me , i changed the channel and got to el gordo y la flaca but they were also reporting on that .

I just turned off my tv and sank into my comfy bed i flipped into one side of the bed , i closed my eyes and hugged my pillow but the image of joels angry eyes kept flashing back , i felt little again joel had never talked to me like this .

His voice was cold harsh .

And it hurts knowing it was towards me

It make it makes it worse that i dont know what i did .

I dont know if i hurt him some way or im just not good enough ...

Morning time

I sighed im not good enough .

I was done emptying my stomach .

I once again pinched my belly fat .

I looked at my reflection .

The house maid brought breakfast in since i said i wasnt feeling so good .

Yoyo instructed to her to eat breakfast with me , but he didnt know that id throw it up later anyways .

After eating with my favorite maid .

She left and i proceeded to throw up my food .

My legs felt weak but i didnt mind that because it meant i was getting skinnier right ?

Anyways i brushed my teeth and went to my downstairs gym .

I hit the olyptical for two hours it seemed impossible but i did it , i didnt want to be fat i wanted to be thin .

I heard knocking and went to go open the door that led to the gym . When half way getting to the door my chest felt heavy and i was trying hard to breath . My body felt as if it were in a sauna , i was sweating bullets before i saw who was at the door i passed out again

Letting the darkness take the wheel

Joels pov

I asked her to marry me

When we were finishing i received another text

This one hit me and it hit me hard

If you marry her she will take jesse and joey away from you she planning on taking them from you

She tried to come acting all nice i was so fed up with her

Hey babe she said trying to kiss me but i dodged her receiving a kiss in my cheek

Hey i said trying to make this conversation short

Are you mad ? Do you wanna talk about it ? She said

All i wanted was for her to shut up and leave

No i just need space away from you i snaped

Oh okay she said quietly leaving

I thought she would be going back to the cnco house , but when i got home she wasnt anywhere to be found .

We were all sitting down in the cnco house living room blowing up luciis phone

She didnt answer it was pissing me off

Why the fuck isnt she answering

Maybe its because you fucking told her to fuck off joel !

Bere said

I had never heard her say somthing like that and she wasnt even there how did she know ?

How do you know ? I said

She showed me the video

I took her phone and checked it everyone went to the kitchen to go make dinner .

I saw myself

Lucii came to me and i dodged her kiss her expression was flustered

Then

It was when she asked me why i was mad but instead i snaped at her .

She looked hurt from the video you could see her eyes getting teary .

Im a monster i muttered to myself .

Just then yocelyn came from the kitchen and said lucii had called she was stuck on a ride and had bearly gotten off .

I was glad she was okay . Tomorrow id go and apologize i shouldnt let these texts get to my head its just lies they want to get to me .

I woke up in the moring skipping breakfast and rushing to luciis house since i woke up late

Her maid let me in and told me she was in her gym room .

I walked into the gym room holding her favorite flowers daisys and a white rose .

I knocked on the door no answer

I decided to just open the door .

I opended the door and saw lucii her body completely filled with sweat , and breathing heavily .

Thats when she passed out i ran to her letting the flowers fall onto the floor .

She landed hard on the floor
And her eyes closed oh god this isnt good .