Raising Jesse

39.forgetting

I worked until it was six in the morning i didnt mind the bags under my eyes

I went and grabbed a coffe i wasnt very hungry

I hit the studio for a few more hours and i decided to just check out a hotel instead of driving for an hour to my house .

I slept for four hours and headed back to the studio , i did the same routine , i was killing my self at the studio and i didnt mind that ,

I turned on my phone just to find my phone blown up by yoyo , chris , zab , rich , erick , and bere , i texted them all this

Group convo
Me: hey guys im okay , Want to be alone and think
But thankyou for caring ♡

I turned off my phone

I recorded some more until it was five in the morning this time

I rested for another four hours

And i repeated forgetting to eat breakfast ,

I did this for two more days until i realized i had to go back home since joel would be stopping by to get a new set of joeys clothes

Joel got joey for a whole week , wich mean more working for me .

I got home forgetting to shower and getting joeys stuff ready ,

As soon as i prepared his new bag i went to my office to work ,

I filled out a few packets of paper work ,

I heard a knock at my door it was joel , instead of going to give him the bag i told my maid to give it to him i didnt want him to see me like this

I didnt want him to feel bad about the fight .

Later that day he texted me

Joel♡: hey i didnt see you ?

Me: yea i was busy

Joel♡: oh ok well gtg

I went back to working , yoyo called ,me asking if i wanted to hang out but i told him i was busy at the moment ,

I posted a picture of a small black heart and captioned it

I try so hard to forget, that when i sleep i dont dream , id rather not dream than rember 🌌

I left the house once again telling my maid know
Id be leaving again to do some errands

Turns out i was gone longer than expected because i was gone for two whole days .

And i didnt sleep at all

I was trying bury myself i got home really late

It was two in the morning zac started aproaching me

Hey where were you ?

Sorry i was out i said yawning .

That night i went to sleep

And another nightmare appeared

I told you i fucking hate you !

He punched me again sending my face flying off

You love me your mine and that baby will be mine too !

No he wont ! I scream back but i was tied to a chair

He helded a gun to my head

Well hell be nobodys then ... and pulled the trigger

I shot up from my bed in a cold sweat crying and hugging my leggs .

Night #2

I dream that taylor took my baby away the night he was born ,
It all felt so real
Taylors features everything was so realistic even the freckles on his cheeks like how i rembered them ,

This time he stabbed me in the heart

Night #3

I dream about taylor and i in a car he was driving fast ,
Way to fast , we hit a tree

I saw myself dead ,

Taylor cried and clutched my lifeless body

I was so terrified .

Night #4

I dream i was tied up again except this time i got free taylor was gona stab my pregnant stomach
And i had a gun and i used it to shoot at him ,

He died his body on the floor him dead i and i turned around and saw his bloody face he rose his hands to my arms and stared to choke me

After all these nights my sleep waa cut short i only slept abotu two hours maximum .

I heard someone knock on my door i opened it to find joel standing there with a shocked expression holding joey and jesse .