I Heart My Best Friend

Songs Of Guilt

You know that feeling when someone makes you feel special? Yeah? That wasn't what I was experiencing. Dwayne made me know I was special. It was the most beautiful thing in the world, I felt like a girl in my own Disney movie.
"Are you calm now?"
I pouted and frowned playfully.
I pinched Jay's cheek and wobbled, "You don't have to worry about  a thing, you'll always be my number one."
He sighed,"Yeah."
He didn't look as happy as before I answered.
I was here celebrating my love when I had denied Jay of his. Guilt stung me and my innermost desire to see Jay happy mocked me.
This is what you want?
"Jay, I'm sorry about Sharon."
He nodded, "Yeah."
I sat up,"No, really, I had no right to demand you break up with her."
He laughed nervously,"No, I'm pretty sure it was my choice. Not yours."
I inclined my head and looked into his eyes.
"Are you sure about that?"
He blushed. I was able to manipulate in ways even I didn't know.
"You're right, it was your choice."
"And now, I'm asking you to get back with her," I couldn't see the difficulty in this.
He sighed again, "It's not that simple, I hurt her, why would she want to get back with someone who jettisoned his relationship immediately his best friend said the word, stop."
Guilt enclosed me again, and my Dwayne induced happiness faded away.
"I'm so sorry..."
He waved it off, "No. No. It's fine."

*********~~~*********~~~*******
Dwayne and I were getting closer with each problem we faced. It was like our experiences together were strengthening our bond. It was perfect, except for the sneers and hate I got as a result of dating the high school Channing Tatum.
"Hey," she called, hurrying over to meet me.
"Do you think you could drop this off for me in the library?"
I nodded, "Yeah, Sharon."
She grinned,"You're the best, Amber."
I didn't want her compliments. Each friendly word intensified the guilt haunting me. I was the reason she was heartbroken. And for some reason, she hid it. I knew she was hurting inside but there was no way to console her without coming clean.
"Jay, do you have any hair pins around, my hair's a mess," I called.
"No."
I groaned, "Uggggghhhhh."
He bit his lip and started," My mom does have some."
My eyes lit up and I beamed at him.
"You don't think... "
He frowned," A, are you asking me to steal?"
I pouted, "No. I'm asking you to borrow it."
"But my mom could get really mad."
I started crying.
His resolve shook," Okay... Okay, I'll borrow one."
"Really?"
He nodded, "Yes. Really. Now, stop crying." he pressed his finger to my cheek and I blushed hotly.
All of that happened when we were seven years old, but the memories haunted me. Jay's mom scolded him terribly and he missed basketball practice. He didn't get to play in the U-7 Basketball Tournament because he 'skipped' practice. Jay always gave, but never received. He had constantly put me before himself and thrown his own life in jeopardy for mine. When I thought about this, oddly enough, I didn't want to help Jay get back with Sharon. I wanted him. Badly. Jay was mine, I loved him.
But if you love him, would you let her think he's some douche?
I had to put things right. I made a decision. I ran after Sharon, yelling her name madly in the hallway.
She turned back.
"I have something to tell you."
She grinned, "What?"
I sighed, "In private." Then I pulled her along into an empty class room. She wanted to say hi but I cut her short.
"I'm the reason Jay broke up with you, it wasn't his fault, it's mine, you want to be mad and someone, be mad at... "
She cut me short too,"Wait, what? I don't understand."
I panted,"I thought you were taking him away from me, I overreacted. Jay cares, Sharon, please don't be mad at him."
She slapped her forehead,"Wow."
"I'm really sorry," I shed a single tear.
She hugged me, "It's okay, everyone makes mistakes."
I thanked her.
The door swung open, interrupting us.
When she stared, I knew who it was. She relinquished her hold on me and threw herself at him, and he hugged her.
He glanced over her shoulder at me, and mouthed,"Thank you."
I couldn't reply. Seeing Jay with another girl hurt me more than I imagined. I was falling hard for him. I excused myself from the class, my face in my palms as I sobbed.
Putting others before yourself is the interlude in the song of guilt. Someone doesn't have to ask you to repay them for kindness, it's something that should come naturally
A/N
Yay Sharon's back. Hey guys, it's a different song for a different chapter lol, but it's all for character growth so @tomkclin, if there's anything you didn't like, it's probably going to fix itself later on