Zayn's Maid

Chapter 46

Zayn's P.O.V

Her face flushed a pale-green and she held herself against the wall for support, her knees trembling at the emptiness. I paced up and down the corridor as the doctor shook his head at the vomit on his perfectly shiny floor, a jumble of thoughts rushing through my mind.

I worried about Perrie, she couldn't cope with the publicity as it was but the fact that she was pregnant made it a whole lot worse. She was young and had a whole life ahead of her which I had tainted with a screaming child. Getting rid of it was probably for the best but we both knew we may regret it in the end.

"You okay?" I asked foolishly.

She shook her head violently and clutched her stomach, "no I'm not okay, I've got a tiny being inside me that makes me throw up and just to add to the whole situation your in fucking One Direction!" she cried.

I shuddered at her harsh words but I knew it was just the hormones talking, I missed the feisty Perrie inside her.

"Sorry."

"No...your right," I sighed, leaning beside her, "what was I thinking?"

"What were we doing?"

We both groaned frustratedly and wished we had done something differently, that I had done something differently. It was common sense to use protection but I was that desperate I threw it all out the window.

I took her hand and squeezed it tight as a cleaner came to wipe up the mess, pottering around us awkwardly. The doctor met us at the door on our way out, shrugging his shoulders with irritation.

"So...your going ahead with it then?" he asked.

Perrie and I looked at each other and nodded very slowly, neither of us quite sure what we were letting ourselves in for. His eyes widened and he walked back into the surgery, not giving us a second thought.

We hopped into the car and she sat silently, staring out of the misted glass with an emotionless expression on her face. I went to touch her but she flinched and moved as far away from me as possible, her eyes tear stained and puffy.

"We...we can get through this," I said reassuringly even though I felt like dying inside. I wasn't ready.

She shook her head but didn't look me in the eye, shakily holding her tiny bump. I looked away and frustratedly slammed my hands on the steering wheel and squeezed it tightly to release the hatred I had for myself.

I took her home and went to help her out but she rejected me and marched into the house, leaving me alone in the hallway as she made her way up the staircase.

"Perrie aren't we going to talk-"

"There's nothing to talk about," she snapped and slammed her bedroom door shut from upstairs.

I brushed my hand through my hair and went into the kitchen, toying with orange juice or vodka. In the end I went for the stronger beverage and flopped comfortably in front of the fire while taking a large swig. It burned my throat but numbed the anger in my head and the ache that gripped tightly onto my chest. I took another slurp and another until the bottle was gone, feeling light-headed and relaxed...but the memory of today was still there somewhere. The image of me and Perrie the first time I had sex with her flashed in my mind and I squeezed my eyes tightly shut, throwing the empty bottle at the wall with a shrill moan. The rage overthrew me and I pushed the black candles from the fireplace onto the ground and pulled the crumpled picture out of my pocket. I glared at the tiny white smudge that represented a baby and threw it into the fire, feeling defeated and infuriated.

The alcohol suddenly wore off a little and I picked the photo out quickly, wincing as the flames licked my fingers. The image was charred and I broke down in tears, clasping the remains in the palms of my hands.