Battle Scars - Lams

13; Memories hurt

Hamilton sat next to Laurens, his hands folded in his lap. He watched as Laurens expression fell when he had told him that he had to leave. It ripped a hole in his heart, metaphorically.

"What- what do ya mean you have to go?"

"I mean, um," Hamilton sighed, "I have to go away. I don't know why, but I don't want to."

Hamilton was the best at explaining things, but he somehow found that he was stumped. This was too hard for him. To think that he'd have to leave his best friend and crush. His heart just broke.

"I don't want you to either. If you do go you won't forget me, right?"

"Of course not Jacky!"

As Hamilton said that, he felt himself being pulled into a hug. It wasn't their usual hug, full of happiness and smiles. No, this one was way different. Laurens was tearing up, and so was Hamilton.

This was by far one of the saddest moments in his life.

He didn't want to do it. He really didn't. He wanted to stay with his friend, but he couldn't.

He just couldn't

* * *

Hamilton sat upright in the dark. Lafayette was snoring soundly, and he had seemed to doze off very quickly. But Hamilton couldn't sleep. No, of course he couldn't. He just found out that he had known his crush since he was young.

He was so, so, stressed out, for some unknown reason.

He could feel some part of him wanting to tell Laurens right now, another part wanted to ignore Laurens, and one wanted to just wait and see.

He was so scared. He didn't know who to talk to. Lafayette had been slightly mad at Hamilton and Eliza had things to do. He didn't want to burden either of them.

So, he was alone.

So, he sighed softly and got up. He didn't want to be alone and bored.

It was about three am, so it was quite dark out. Hamilton grabbed his laptop and opened the door, sending chilling air down his spine, causing him to shiver.

He closed the door, and walked around for a bit, in an attempt to find a bench or something in that area of seating.

Eventually, he found a bench right underneath a tree. It was peaceful. A great place to at least start his essay.

As he sat down on the bench, he sighed slightly.

Things in his life had been so dramatic lately. He wished it could all go back to normal. It was too much for him, it was too stressful.

He sighed and shook his head.

That's just how it's gonna be.

* * *

Laurens sighed. He couldn't sleep.

To be fair, neither could Seabury. So they were both awake together.

"Hey, you know, Laurens," Seabury chuckled, "I think our friendship has really gotten somewhere. A week ago I would've said I hated you, but now, not so much."

Laurens nodded his head slightly. He wasn't tired, no, he was worried. Scared. All of the above.

"You're still upset hm?"

"Mhm." Laurens nodded his head.

"Hey, it's okay to be gay. It's not a big deal anymore. We're in the 21st century. You won't get your head chopped off."

"But it feels like I will. I'm just scared of my father. I can't get it off my mind no matter how hard I try."

"The only way to get it off your mind is to call your dad. Laurens, I get that it's tough, but you have to be brave and come out, alright? Even if your dad doesn't approve, you've got me and all your other friends."

"Yeah but, it's three am. My dad would be asleep."

"Leave him a message or something then. I promise you, if you just tell him now, you'll feel way better."

"I don't- I can't."

Seabury sighed, "you don't have to right now, if you don't want to. But you have to do it. You're putting so much pressure and stress on yourself, you need to relax John."

Laurens nodded and sighed softly, "I know, but things have been so hard lately. First with Hamilton being mad at me, and no figuring out my sexuality. It feels like I'm doing everything wrong. Am I?"

"No, no you aren't. If you were doing everything or anything wrong I wouldn't be your friend. And trust me, I really wouldn't. Look, I get it. You're feeling self-conscious. I get that too, but there's no need to. You're an amazing friend."

"Thanks Seabury."

"I told you, it's Samuel."

"Alright, Sammy."

"Fuck you, John Laurens."

"No thanks, Sammy Seabury."

* * *

Please Laurens and Seabury's friendship is so important to me. It gives me life.

I actually really want to focus more on Laurens finding out his sexuality and dealing with it right now but ?? I don't know ??

Also whenever I come onto this app there's always such amazing feedback on this book and I just,,, love it.

Whenever I see that someone's commented on it I SCREECH and look at all the comments because I love having comments on my book.

Anyways later,, xoxo