Battle Scars - Lams

9; I fucked up

Lafayette: I think there's something wrong with Hamilton

Laurens paused before quickly typing a reply.

Laurens: what do you mean?

Lafayette: he won't eat and he's just staring at his computer screen.

Laurens: maybe he's hungover? He did have a lot to drink.

Lafayette: no, I don't think it's that. Maybe you should come and check on him?

Laurens sighed. Deep down, somewhere in that brain of his, he knew why Hamilton was upset. He saw Seabury and him kissing. But Hamilton didn't like him (at least, that's what Laurens told himself), so he thought it was a brotherly instinct to get upset.

Laurens: Alright, just a minute. Tell him I'm coming.

So Laurens, who was still in the clothes from the night before, got up to get changed, but was interrupted when his phone buzzed.

He picked it up, knowing it was Laf, and opened his texts.

Lafayette: Hamilton says he doesn't want to see you. Did something happen?

Laurens: I don't know. Ask him maybe.

So, that was the moment John Laurens decided he was a terrible human and blamed every single problem in the world on him. So, he just got back into bed and thought about what would it would feel like to be dead?

* * *

Hamilton started at the blank screen, his whole body feeling weak. The emotions he felt were too many to name. Betrayal, guilt, fear, and oh so many others.

So, what did he do to make himself feel better? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. He ignored his feelings entirely by staring at a blank screen and just trying to disappear.

Which, of course, was hard to do with Lafayette questioning him every five seconds. He'd just give a short answer. He didn't care for anything right now.

He just felt so betrayed. He knew that him and Laurens weren't in a relationship but he thought they were getting somewhere. He had planned to kiss him, but no, fucking Samuel Seabury had to.

And he didn't know if he had to talk to Laurens or just, get rid of him. Get rid of him, as in stop being around him. He wasn't sure.

For someone that sure loved to be in control, he sure wasn't in control now. And that's what scared him. He had no control over anything.

So, he just sat there. A sitting bird, waiting for the inevitable storm. Preparing for the worst, and ready to get hit.

Things were going to go down, he could tell. He didn't want it to be true, but it was, and he was scared as fuck.

* * *

Laurens felt more than awkward when Seabury entered the dorm.
What was he supposed to do? They fucking kissed?

So, he did what any awkward, confused boy would do and said hi, but in an awkward way.

"Sup-fuck, I mean, hey. Hi."

Seabury sat down on his own bed with his laptop, "hey. What's up? You look sick."

"Oh, you know, the usual. Just fucking everything up. Nothing new."

Seabury rolled his eyes, "what happened, you diva."

"I think Hamilton hates me because we kissed last night."

"Dude," Seabury laughed, "that was a drunk kiss. I'm not in love with you or anything. Just friends. He needs to get over it, it's not like you were dating."

"I know but I feel bad."

"You shouldn't feel bad for anything. You guys weren't dating. You didn't do anything wrong."

"Just let me feel bad god damnit."

"Psh, whatever floats your boat. Hey, I'm going out soon with Lee, so you have to man the fort."

"Whatever, you didn't need to make it sound so nerdy."

* * *

Laurens: Hamilton

Laurens: Hamilton are you okay

Laurens: Please I'm worried

Laurens: was it me?

Laurens: I'm sorry

Laurens: I'm so sorry I'm just a failure

Laurens: Hamilton please

Laurens: I don't want to be alone

Laurens: I need you

Laurens: please don't ignore me.

* * *

10 missed messages from ( John Laurens )

Hamilton sighed. Not today. He wasn't in the mood.

He couldn't talk to Laurens. He thought he was being silly, but he just couldn't.

Lafayette told him to talk to him, straighten things out, but he wasn't going to. No, he wasn't.

He was going to do absolutely nothing. Let Laurens and Seabury live their happy lives, get married, adopt children.

And he wasn't going to be that bitter uncle that never saw the child because he hated one of the dads. No, he wasn't.

He just lay on his bed and sighed.

What was he doing.

* * *

Well this was wild from start to finish
Anyways I feel sick s o this was short

Later xxx