Battle Scars - Lams

28; Miss and love

Laurens laid on Hamilton's chest. Everyone was asleep. He could head Hercules' snores.

But he couldn't sleep. Though he wasn't afraid of the dark, it seemed as if something was lurking there at the moment.

Maybe his regrets, or fears.

He was petrified, even with Hamilton's arm slung around him, in a sort of protective manner.

All he wanted to do was run back to his dorm and talk to Seabury. Whenever they talked he could always feel better.

But he couldn't. He was trapped in this dorm, like a prison, and it was raining heavily, so there was no way he could leave.

It's not that he didn't like the people who were around him. He cared and loved for them dearly. But he just wanted to escape, because he felt a suffocating tension.

Laurens knew exactly why, as well. It was him and Hamilton.

Things had been rough. Really rough, which made things awkward.

Laurens hated it. He despises it. He wanted everything to be normal, which he knew could never happen. The fact that Hamilton cheated on him could never disappear.

It scared him.

Laurens loved Hamilton to death. He loved every aspect of him, but he still couldn't bring himself to trust him completely.

After a while of thinking he thought that was normal. He cheated on him, of course he wouldn't be able to trust him completely.

But it bothered him. He wanted to trust him with his heart and soul. Be he... couldn't.

Hamilton moved slightly, his breath becoming less evened out, as if he was about to wake up. He probably was, so Laurens closed his eyes and pretended to sleep.

But, of course, he was a horrible actor so Hamilton knew he was awake.

"Hey," he whispered, "are you okay."

Laurens shook his head softly, "No."

"Do you want to talk?"

Laurens weighed his options.

Option one. He talks to Hamilton and tell him what's bothering him, feels better because it's off his chest, but Hamilton could react sadly.

Option two. He doesn't tell Hamilton and feels worse, and Hamilton bothers him about it until he tells him.

Laurens sighs, "You won't get mad?"

"No, I won't."

"Okay," Laurens sighed, as he shifted slightly, "I just. I really want to, fully, trust you. But I can't. That's not me saying I don't trust you at all, I do, but I just. Everything's been so hard and I just can't trust you completely."

"And it's bothering me! So much, because I really love you and care for you yet I just... it won't happen. I can't see myself trusting you completely."

Hamilton smiled softly (though Laurens could hardly make it out, due to the darkness surrounding them), and hesitantly responded.

"Laurens, I understand. Well, I mean, I don't understand but I get it. I understand I did something horrible and I mean, I wouldn't trust myself completely either. Don't rush yourself into trusting me."

"Are you sure? I feel guilty."

"It's okay, love, take your time."

And Laurens nodded while letting out a relieved sigh.

This was good. He was okay. Everything was going to be okay, in its own time. He just had to wait for it, be patient. Don't rush anything.

So, he just listened closely to the rain and smiled softly to himself. Things were going to workout, for the better. The rain clouds would soon be clearing and the sun would come, once again.

Not to say there wouldn't be rain clouds again. No, there would be, but he would have to learn how to work through them. To be able to make it through the storm with a big snow plastered onto his face.

And as he listened to the rain, which was slowly growing quieter, he dozed off into a deep sleep.

Whilst he was thinking, he realised things weren't always as bad as they seemed.

* * *

"Hamilton. Hamilton please no, I don't want you to."

Laurens was checking out sobs as his friend sat on his bed with him, a bag on his back.

"I'm sorry Jacky, I don't want to go either, but I have to though. I'll see you again someday."

Laurens shook his head, tears running down his face, "No no no no, Hamilton no I don't want you to go!"

"I don't either, I don't."

Hamilton was on the verge of tears. His friend was choking out tears, and all of his words were slurred. He had to be strong though, for Jacky.

"Hamilton I love you! I don't want you to go! You might not come back."

Hamilton wrapped his arms around Laurens, "I will, Jacky, I promise. I love you so so much."

Hamilton felt his shoulder beginning to dampen, which was a result of Laurens crying into his shoulder.

He didn't mind though. He just slowly rubbed Laurens back, just like how his mother would do it to him when he was upset.

"It's okay Jacky, I promise I'll come back. I would never want to leave you forever."

"I know but," Laurens hiccuped as he spoke, "I'm scared, I don't want to lose you."

"You won't, I promise."

Laurens pulled away and sniffles, sticking out his hand and extending his pinky finger.

"Pinky promise?"

Hamilton locked his pinky with Jacky's and smiled softly.

"Pinky promise."

* * *

I had trouble writing this yikes

Well this is actually nearing the end of the story. When it gets to the 30th chapter it'll be the end?? But I'm running out of ideas YIKES

but uh yeah I hope you like this

Ily xoxo