Erraticness

Masked

It was all there,
Scraps, pieces, morsels,
I was there,
Frappes, wishes, mournings,
You were there,
Snaps, kisses, moments,
Have they been here really in reality?
Or was everything just an illusion on fiction?

Connections eluding,
And I'm here reminiscing,
With my tears automatically flowing,
Can't shed anything, just on the verge of drowning,
Will you ever try to come back for me?
In this myriad of scathed misery?
If I could smoke weeds and get stoned this time,
Would you escape in kaleidoscopes of my mind deep within me?

I can't pretend no more,
I don't conceal all the time,
I won't hide it for long,
I just wanna let you know...
I won't stop hurting deep inside,
I don't quit crying behind this calm facade,
I can't haul stringing to the loosening thread,
I just wanna keep this for myself 'cause you're not giving a fig about any of it

The walls that I built was tore,
All bright vivid colors got to fade,
Happiness can never be found,
Things may seem to be lost in pace,
You've forgotten already and buried away all on a tomb,
I'm remembering every now and then for I'm stuck in this phase,
Can you feel me struggling and wanting to go?
Will you be restraining me from hauling for you, too?

Now she's taking my position,
Still, you're in the same condition,
Wow, that girl has confusion,
Will you be sweet as our version?
I'm suffering in pain as fate answered my question,
You were kissing her passionately as destiny forged the view in my direction

Baby, I'm right here watching you from afar... aghast,
Can't you see me? Hear me? Smell me? Feel me?
Babe, I'm brutally wrong in the past but I am realizing it... at last,
Can someone spare me? Halt me? Strangle me? Free me?
Let me say something one last time to you, 'cause I'm finally freeing myself for you,
I love you, I miss you, I need you, I want you, still I'm dwelling myself into you,

You're never going to know, anyway,
And still, everything about me is just masked,
I'm all alone and you're with her,
It sounds fair you both are together,
I experienced both sides of the spectrum, steaming hot then freezing cold,
Wherever I choose from, I'd still be isolated and left alone

... Only aside with past and current feelings that's plain masked.