He Sings To Me

Sing Me To Sleep

It's been a month since I last saw Alex. Yes, I made my decision. I went on the date with Andy and I felt like I was in high school all over again. Only this time, Andy was affectionate towards me.

Originally in high school, Andy was head over heels for a girl named Scout. They dated for about two years until she cheated on him. Fact: Andy wrote 'The Mortician's Daughter' after her.
He's never written me a song.

Andy still gets calls from Juliet. She's truly a sweet person, she generally cares for his well-being, which is why she likes to check in with him.

I met Jules late weekend and we totally hit it off. We were drinking, eating burgers, singing karaoke, we even shared a cab home. And boy can that girl party!

It's 2am and I'm still awake. Andy's fallen asleep a few hours ago, he has to get ready to go on tour tomorrow. He asked me to come with, but knowing that they were touring with All Time Low made my decision to decline.

Don't get me wrong, I love the guys! If things hadn't become awkward between Alex and me, I'd probably be packing my bags. And it's not like it's Alex's fault or anything. I shot him down. I have been declining his calls. I was the antagonist in this situation. I didn't want to be, in truth I wish I was in all four of their warm embraces, but I can't. I chose Andy, and the guys might never want to talk to me.

I got out of bed and went downstairs to the living room couch. I laid down, staring at the ceiling for only a moment, before taking my phone out of my robe. I opened the Photos app and stared at a picture of Alex and me. We took it the first time I stayed with him in Baltimore. We were at the beach, just the two of us enjoying the calm waves and the heat of the sun.

I glanced at today's date. Today was the day that Alex's half brother died. I sighed to myself, I wonder how he's doing, Alex I mean. Usually today is one of the worst days in the world for him. Last year he refused to get out of bed. He didn't eat either, he just stared at the wall. Jack called me over, worried because he hadn't seen Alex be so down before. I quickly came over and tried my best to make him feel better. By the end of the night we were sharing a tub of Ben and Jerry's cookie dough ice cream.

"Make it a sweet, sweet goodbye
It could be for the last time and it's not right.
"Don't let yourself get in over your head, " he said.
Alone and far from home I'll find you..."

"Dead, like a candle you burned out;
Spill the wax over the spaces left in place of angry words.
Scream, to be heard, like you needed any more attention;
Throw the bottle, break the door, and disappear."

"Sing me to sleep, I'll see you in my dreams,
Waiting to say, "I miss you. I'm so sorry.""

"Forever's never seemed so long as when you're not around
It's like a piece of me is missing.
I could have learned so much from you but what's left now?
Don't you realize you shot this family a world of pain?
Can't you see there could have been a happy ending we let go?"

"Sing me to sleep, I'll see you in my dreams,
Waiting to say, "I miss you. I'm so sorry.""

"Sing me to sleep.
Sing me to sleep.
Sing me to sleep.
Sing me to s..."

"You've taken so much with you...,
But left the worst with me...,
Waiting to say, "I miss you. I'm so sorry."
I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" I softly sang, remembering Alex had written this about his brother.

He blames himself for his brother's death. Thinking that if one thing didn't happen, maybe his brother would still be around. But shouldn't. It's not his fault, he was what twelve when it happened? Death just comes and goes as she pleases, that's just how it is.

In total, I've ignored 63 calls from Alex, yes I finally got caller ID. I know that I shouldn't be ignoring him, but I just need to make my own decisions without my best friend whispering in my ear. Just then, my phone rang... Alex, speak of the devil. This time, I decided to answer.

"Hey." I spoke.

"Jess, thank god you picked up-wait, what's wrong?" He asked, making my eyebrows furrow.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"You sound like you're crying. Did Andy hurt you? I'll kick his-" I cut him off.

"No, no. I was just remembering what day it was. I'm surprised you don't sound severely depressed." I added.

"I've been depressed all month, I can't be anymore." He stated, making me sigh.

"I'm sorry that I've been ignoring you, I know I shouldn't have but-" He cut me off.

"I know Jess, I made things weird between us. You know I'm going on tour tomorrow, I won't be back for two months, you think we can talk then?" I nodded, then realized he couldn't see me.

"I'd like that."

"Okay well you get to bed, it's late."

"Have fun Gaskarth."

"Later Myles."

With that, the call ended. I got up and grabbed my headphones from the kitchen, then plumped myself back onto the cream coloured love seat. I put the quilted blanket over my body and listened to "Lullabies" over and over until I fell to sleep.