We're Older Now

Chapter 21

"Come on Xavier we need to go to the hospital today." I whisper softly as he sleeps next to me, his gorgeous golden hair falling over his closed eyelids.

I smile and press my lips against his, his slight stubble tickling my lips. I continue to kiss his lips until he wakes up. He smiles and presses his lips more firmly to mine, taking hold of my hips he pulls me onto his lap, making me straddle him.

"Now I could get use to being woken up like this." He murmurs huskily before pressing his lips to mine again and leading me in a rhythm as I roll my hips over his stiffy, causing him to moan and detach his lips from mine. I smirk and roll my eyes as he wiggles his eyebrows like a sixteen year old boy.

"Quick?" I laugh and press my lips against his again, letting him flip is over so I'm under him.

~^~

"We are just getting the results back now, so I'll be back soon, just wait here." Our doctor says.

I'm sitting on the bed, Xavier has my hand in his as he paces in front of me. He is stressing horribly and it worries me.

"It'll be okay, just sit down." I say squeezing his hand softly. He sighs and kisses my forehead before sitting next to me.

"Okay so I have your results." Our doctor says as he walks back in. I look to see Xavier stressing again.

"What's the verdict?" I ask.

He skims through his papers, scrunching his eyebrows as he reads through the results. He looks up and stares at me.

"You've got a tumour in your throat." He says as though he is as shocked.

"So what are the options?" Xavier asks. There's pain as sadness laced in his voice. It hurts me hearing it in his voice. I watch as he asks the doctor questions.

"Well, chemo is out of the question because of the pregnancy but she's just as at risk with the operation. She could lose the child." He says in honesty.

"Do the surgery, we can make another baby if she loses this one." I look at Xavier with shock and anger.

"No." is the only thing I say.

Xavier looks at me in shock and with a questioning stare.

"What?" He asks.

I stand up and face him.

"No, you don't get to say that. You don't get to disregard our child's life so easily and you don't get to make this decision on your own. It's not your call." I say getting riled up. The doctor looks between the two of us worriedly.

"So you'd rather risk dying then have the surgery?" He asks outraged.

"No Xavier, that's not what I'm saying. I'm saying we have some things to discuss, some things that we have to decide on together. And take a couple days to think about." I say, trying to keep my cool as he seems just about ready to lose his cool.

"There's not much to discuss, I don't want to lose you." I feel my heart well up with sadness I hear the fear coming out from under his anger. I wrap my arms around his shoulders, pulling him into a hug, my eyes watering slightly.

"I don't want to lose you either but I don't want to throw away our child's life, or put it in danger without thinking about it and getting all the facts." I say honestly.

He sighs and nods his head, wrapping his arms tightly around me, as if he's afraid if he doesn't hold on tight enough then he'll lose me.

I pull back slightly and kiss his forehead and wipe what tears that escaped. I press my lips softly against his for a couple seconds before we both turn our attention back at our doctor.

"I will give you guys a sheet with all the information you need on it and you guys can head home." He says. He walks out of the room but he is back within five minutes, handing us a paper and sending us home.

I sit down on the couch with the sheet of information in hand, Xavier next to me. The surgery is about 8-12 hours depending on the size and location of the tumour and the survival rate is okay, 65% but for our child, the changes our child will survive is at 35%.

I feel my eyes well up with tears as I place my hand in my stomach and look up at Xavier. He kisses my forehead sweetly and holds me in his arms as I start to sob.

"I don't want to lose our child. But I don't want to die." I say in a sob. He sighs and nods his head.

"I know." He says as he lets me cuddle into his side and sob.