To live past 19 #The2017Awards

Cold waters

"Hermione, I don't think you see that they are Death Eaters." Ron makes wild hand movements to help his case. "You know, the ones who killed and tortured Muggles for fun, followers of Voldemort, killing countless others other than muggles." Ron was making his point rather clear. Hermione leans against the stone walls waiting for him to finish his rant. The coldness of the stones seeping though the material of her clothes, making her back tingle from the temperature.

"Lets not forget that they helped cause the war, they are just as bad as Voldemort, because who would he have been without his followers?" Hermione stays silent, not reacting to his claims. Ron was getting frustrated by her lack of response.

"Do we have to do this in the hallways?" Harry pipes up from beside Hermione, annoyance and worry written on his face. Harry was getting considerably tired of these conversations. Harry almost didn't care what either of them thought about the war, the point is that it was over and he just wanted any other conversation other than that. He didn't have anything majorly against Draco Malfoy but he didn't want anything to do with him and he didn't want Hermione to have anything to do with him either. Though he didn't voice his opinion as Ron was doing.

"What about your scar Hermione? That isn't going away any time soon." Ron decides to hiss at Hermione about the very memory dug into her skin. Ron may not know that the scar itself wasn't a worry to her, but rather the torturous memories that came with it.

"Ron." Harry exclaims in anger. Harry believed it has gone far enough. "I think we are done here."

Ron realizes his mistake but he doesn't apologize for it, hoping that it would help prove his point. Hermione watch the two boy in front of her in exhaustion. Hermione had decided that she would never get her point across and decided she should stop wasting her time with it. If only Ron would decide to do the same.

Though this was the least of Hermione's worries at the moment. A splitting headache was taking over her mind and Hermione had to hold herself back from whimpering in pain. Hermione felt nauseous and takes deep breaths trying to calm herself. The boys don't notice and Hermione doesn't know if she should be grateful or disappointed. Playing with the hidden bracelet around her wrist under her robe, Hermione closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. She pushes herself from the wall and begins to walk away from the boy as they still half argued.

"I will see you at lunch." Her voice sounds through to them and they watch her make her way down the half filled corridor with students. They didn't call her back or even attempt to follow her. They let her leave.

Funnily enough there is only one person Hermione was in the mood for seeing, and that person just happened to be Draco Malfoy. Hermione could in a certain light understand why Harry and Ron didn't understand or approve of her spending time with him or talking to him. She couldn't explain it herself.

Hermione passes a group of students staring at her and snickering. She tried her hardest to ignore it, but it is hard when it is so obviously directed at her. She clenched her jaw and speeds up her pace to get away from them.

She goes to the library in hopes to find him there, but when he wasn't she decided to go outside and look for him. No one was outside. The small droplet of rain feels warm on her cold skin. After walking along the dark forest she realizes that no one else is there. She is alone. Hermione looks around the empty grounds feeling incredibly lonely at that moment. She walks for a few minutes into the dark forest, making sure not to wander far enough to the shadows. She throws her bag from her shoulder onto the dirt and dried leaves. Birds chirping from a distance and the sound of the wind rustling the leaved in the trees is all she hears for a while until she screams. She admits that it may not have been the smartest thing to do, but she couldn't help it. She kicks her bag violently across the ground and screams again. Her chest hurt too much, her head hurt too much, her mind hurt too much, her heart hurt too much. Ron and Harry didn't understand and probably still wouldn't if she told them her reasoning, if she told them of her cancer. The whispers and stares of the others who don't know a thing.

Hermione sits down against a wet tree stump and the rain starts to come down harder and faster. Blurring her vision further than it already is with her tears. The rain soaking her clothes quickly, the cotton sticking uncomfortably to her skin. Hermione places her head in her hands. First rubbing her face in exhaustion and then just closing her eyes listening to her own loud heartbeat sounding in her ears and her heavy breathing.

A wave of anger and frustration washes over her and Hermione tries to grab her hair in her scalp, but her hair is too short for her to properly grasp, just adding to her frustration. Hermione starts to cry, sobs ripping from her. The water running down her neck to her back adds to her shaking. Her bare legs paler from the cold than before.

Hermione moves so that she is on her hands and knees, her skin digging into the dirt and stones. She pulls herself up from her position and slowly makes her way to her soaked bag and picks it up in a painfully slow speed.

She doesn't pay attention to her surroundings as she stumbles to the lake. Dropping her bag in the wet sand she walks closer to the water. Looking back towards the castle and seeing the lights contrast against the doomy light. Hermione steps into the water and feels the cold water seep into her already wet shoes and socks. Stepping in further now up to her knees, the water is warm on her numb skin. She walks in further until she is past waste deep. Her robe swimming around her thin form in the water, her skirt raised to the surface of the water. Dipping her hands into the dark water she plays with the small waves the rain makes.

The war may be over for many others, but they didn't know that others were still fighting one. This one is painful, this one is hard for her because she has to fight it alone. Because it is all in her mind, the war is in her mind.

Hermione was just about to take another step into the water, the edge into the deepness right before her feet, but the though of Draco stopped her in her tracks. She has someone here, someone who knows. Also most importantly someone who needs her just as much as she may need him. Hermione steps back from the edge and walks back out of the water. The sudden weight making her tired and the cold air making her shiver and her lips tingle. Standing ankle deep she looks back at Hogwarts. Feeling much better now that she had let her emotions out. Hermione made sure to contain herself and gather her emotions and thoughts before making her way back to the school. No one could know of her little breakdown, just as no one could know of the reason behind it.