To live past 19 #The2017Awards

If we stay

"Stay"

Hermione had been in hospital for a few weeks now since that day at Hogwarts and Draco has neglected everything else to be with her. People have asked where she was at school or what was wrong but Draco only sneered at them to mind their own business. They never cared before so why should they care now?

Draco sat with tears in his eyes and watches her sleep. The sound of the monitor indicating her heartbeat did nothing to calm him. He gently took her I-pod out of his pocket and played the first song she had ever shown him.

Stay, the song played quietly in the silent room, blocking out the beeping of the machines.

Her hand was soft beneath his touch and he couldn't bring himself to let go. Scared if he did, he would never remember the feeling of her skin. Scared as if he never would get to touch it again. Her skin was paler, almost as pale as his. He remembered when he saw her for the first time, her skin was darker back then. Now some of her freckles had faded over the time but many still remained sprinkled over her nose. Her hair was short again, recently shaven. This time Hermione had told him that she hated it and it wasn't the same as it had been at the beginning. She had said that it was one thing to do it once at the beginning but then to do it again had made her feel as if she was starting all over again.

Hermione opens her eyes to see Draco watching her. She feels a smile pull at her lips instantly. She didn't think he knew how happy he made her, even if she told him every day.

"Hi." She watched him cringe at her weak and hoarse voice. It pained him to see her like this. He tried to smile back but it was hard and Hermione could see how much this was killing him. Something she desperately wanted to avoid.

"Hey." His voice rumbled deep in his chest and Hermione closed her eyes in content at the sound of his voice. Hermione then notices the song playing next to her and she could feel her chest tighten. It made her so sad and happy looking back at the memory when she showed that song to him. She remembers when she showed him all of the Muggle things he knew now and loved. It made her incredibly happy that she has opened him up to another culture he used to hate.

Hermione suddenly remembers her list and she knew she had to ask just to make sure. The answer was obvious but she needed the reassurance from him. Draco strokes her hand gently and continues to watch her, unaware of what thoughts are running through her mind.

"Did we start over?" She turns her head to the side to look at him. She watched his forehead crease slightly as he frowned.

"With what?" His voice is barely a whisper, afraid to speak too loudly in case it might increase any pain she was feeling.

"With us. Did we start over?" She asks again, this time more forcefully.

"We did." He knew they did. He could hardly remember anything about them both from before they met again. The happy memories playing in his mind, making him feel light but heavy at the same time. He didn't want to remember the bad time they had gone through together, not now. He didn't want to remember the times when he cast curses at her, literally and verbally.

"I remember when I saw you the first time." He suddenly exclaimed after a long silence.

"When we were eleven? How could you remember that?" She laughed abruptly making him feel flushed and making his heart skip a beat.

"No, not then." His eyebrows furrow in slight sadness.

She looks at him in confusion. Hermione wondered if he had seen her before that. Though she knew that that wasn't the case. Even if it was, no one would remember something as unimportant as her.

"I mean the first time I saw you. The first time I saw the smile, the first time I heard the laugh, the first time I saw the ambition and the independence, the first time I saw the war you were battling. The first time I saw the real you." he clutches her hand a bit tighter and his voice got stronger the longer he spoke.

"When was that?" She smiled at him softly with glossy eyes. Adoration clear in her eyes and that adoration directed at him hurt him. He didn't know if he deserved to be looked at like that, especially by her. He didn't deserve a lot of things, even if she exclaimed differently.

"The second you stepped into that compartment." He admitted, leaning in closer to her, his breath fanning her face.

"You didn't see any of that that day." She brought her hand to his face and stroked his cheek lightly. Her hands felt cold against his warm skin and his warmth comforted her.

"Exactly, meeting you for the first time gave me possibility to still see that. It made me want to know you and your intentions in what you do. It made me want to discover myself."

"What have you discovered Draco?" He could hear her tease in her quiet voice as she whispered.

"That I can be forgiven, that I am not who I once was, that I am not my parents. I can be whoever I choose to be and that only one person matters. That I love you and I want you to stay." Draco's voice is strained but powerful with his words. His eyes stare into hers and he clutches her hand tighter. Draco realizes now how scared he is. So does Hermione.

"Draco, I love you. Even being so young and never have felt this kind of love before in my life, I know that I love you so much, and it hurts. The thought of leaving you hurts, the thought of helping you and loving you and then having to leave you hurts more than you could know. I would make so many promises to you. But I can't promise that I will stay, that's the one thing I wish I could promise to you more than anything." Hermione forces her words out, a clenching in her chest adding to her medical pain.

Her words leave him staring, finally it causes him to break. All of the pain and fear of losing her hits him hard. He cries harder than he might ever had in his life. He feels as if all of the times he had cried before where meaningless compared to the reason now. Draco lays his head near her chest and tries to hold on to her without hurting her. As if trying to ensure that she wouldn't go anywhere. Hermione looks down at his lowered head on her arm, his pale blond hair brushing her skin and she watches his shoulders shake from his crying. Hermione couldn't hear the music anymore, all she could hear were his cries. His cries for her, and it made her cry as well. Before Hermione knew it, cold tears slid down her cheeks.

After a while Draco had fallen asleep, his head lay next to her chest and his breathing was deep and slow. The crying had taken a lot out of him and Hermione could still see the tear stains on his cheeks. She couldn't look away from his face, even in his sleep she could see the pain she was causing him.

The song still played through the room, having Draco put it on loop. The sound sounded clearly through the silent room, but it didn't distract Hermione from the numbing pain in her body. It had gotten worse and she had to stop herself from crying out the majority of the time. The only reason why she didn't cry was because of Draco. She didn't want to worry him and cause him any more pain than she already was. She would take any pain for him. But now the pain was lessening but only because she didn't feel it didn't mean that it wasn't there. Hermione knew exactly what that meant.

The music started to sound muffled and quieten into the background. Looking back at her life, Hermione didn't know if she regretted anything. She could still hear the laughter of the good times and the sounds of the bad times. Hermione could hear her own and the cries of others throughout her life, the screams of agony and terror form the war still brutally burned into her brain.

Hermione could hear the promises of life being whispered to her. She hated those lies more than anything. The lies that life would be full and miraculous. Something special. Perhaps it was, because it wouldn't have been without Draco and her family. Even her friends, even if they left her.

Draco's laughs and words over sounded the lies, overpowering Draco's soft breaths next to her. The memory of their time together made her smile into the nothingness before her. Hermione didn't notice the music being replaced with the ringing in her ears or her eyes loosing their focus. She didn't notice the white walls getting darker and then fade into oblivion.

Hermione didn't notice not being able to feel Draco's touch any longer. Instead the tingles of the cold air linger on her skin.